People

It's just too amazing how God places people in our lives at every phase. They all make some impression in our hearts and then a time comes to let go, but even then you are assured that you will never be left all alone.

21st Century Friendships

In this age we need to be careful not to let our valued relationships be as shallow as society has become. We need to consciously decide to give attention to the people in our lives rather than just "hanging out" while each person is busy on their phones or scratching the surface with baseless questions about current politics returned with polite and vague answers which are careful not to offend.

I know from experience that opening yourself up to people can be a painful experience because any day those people can walk out of your life or even worse betray you. I know the pain of opening yourself up and being hurt. But still, deep inside me I know that I cannot ever give up on relationships because of the bad experiences I have had. I know that my opening up to one person can be deliverance to them. Someone out there just needs to know that they are not the only ones experiencing some pains and disappointments in this world where social media paints a perfect picture of all lives. They are almost giving up because they are isolated; they have friends who seem so wonderfully perfect in all ways and never let out a hint of their challenges.

It is good for one to be positive at all times and to be discreet, but be discerning and learn to read people. Know when your friends are in pain and address it, know when they are just tired and be considerate, also know when they are deliberatelly shutting you out and back off.

A Little Headturn

Growing Up

When I was a child I longed for the days when I would be an independent woman; not answering to my parents and having money to buy myself clothes of my choice and live my life as I choose. Then at eighteen I moved to Cape Town from Botswana to bridge my way into university. I was the boss of my own life, and it was great. I remember every time I received my allowance together with the other children from Botswana who were on the same scholarship, we would go shopping, get drunk and spoil ourselves a little with fancy take-aways and snacks. We were not as responsible as we thought we were, but who cares at that age. All that mattered to us then was that Mummy and Daddy are not around to tell us not to go clubbing.

Somewhere at the back of my mind I longed for the days where I would be grown, independent this time of social pressures, and more self assured and of course with more money. I saw myself married and at peace, never having to worry about if a boy likes me back or not. What a beautiful life it seemed to be from that young mind's perspective. And indeed it is.

Here I am now, married and free and fully independent. I make decicions not based on what my parents or friends expect, but based on what I believe to be right. No more spending money on alcohol because it's the cool thing to do. I live my quiet life as I like it and occasionaly invite society, friends of course, into my space for some sweet adult enjoyment. How much more peaceful a life of independence is when one has grasped independence's true meaning.

And do I consider myself now completely independent? No. I do not even want to anymore. I love to be dependent on God, and to answer to him and be corrected by him. And I love to know that my husband can instruct me and I must listen, not as to a parent but as to one dependent on God and his word for full guidance. And God being the Sweetheart he is, gave me the sweetest man on the planet for me to submit to. And we submit to one another.

And now, I do not long for any other days, but I look forward to the future while enjoying the present and making the most of it. Being a mother, a businesswoman, a community care giver, a grandmother someday... it will all come at its ready time and I will someday testify that dreams do come true. Never cease to dream because of little failures. If you ever look back, do it only to gather strength as you see how much improvement you have made on your life, from childhood to now. Then keep looking forward while still being careful to enjoy the present moment. Remember that your life is now.

If you were to die now, your future plans will not go on record, but you will be remembered for what you did at present. So maximize this very moment and give life your best.

Care for Dear Earth

I hope that for this year's Christmas we all resolve to do less harm to the environment than we did last year. I hope that the extreme climate changes have made us realise how serious and rapid global warming is taking place. I hope that even us believers are interested not only in preserving our spirits but also in taking part in matters that affect this earth we live in, for our children and our children's children's sake. No one is exempt from this responsibility; let's care for earth and make the right choices.

Grandma on Christmas

My grandmother was a tiring woman when she was alive. She shouted at us when we were being naughty and beat us up rarely when we outdid ourselves in behaving like rascals. She loved us with all her heart, which was so big it had enough space to love many other people who were not family. I remember how every Christmas we'd look forward to her yummy over-decorated cake that we had after our big meal on the dinner table.

It was a good quality wooden dinner table with eight chairs. Very lovely and tasteful. There were more than eight of us, so my aunties and all the other older people would sit on the other chairs while we felt like royalty at the high table. I remember how we would be dressed in our new clothes and have a special prayer before lunch thanking God for the past year. Grandma would also make requests for God to keep us safe the following year and for us to do well at school. Then we would indulge in the feast with our eyes fixed on the main reward for finishing our food; the cake.

On Christmas day Grandma was at her best behaviour. She would speak to us with unusual patience and kiss us all and love us so much we could see it through her eyes. On Christmas day we would forget about her disturbing habit of spoiling our fun when we re being naughty, and for that one day we would understand that she truly loved us, even more than our own parents - it seemed.

After having our feast we were taken for a drive by our uncle. All of us at the back of the van so that everyone would see our new clothes. We chattered all we pleased without being told we are making noise, and we pointed at the other children on our way, also dressed in their best clothes, and we'd shout out to them, "Happy-eeeee!" and they would respond "Happy-eee!" as they looked on with envy. Because we were in a van, and there were many of us, so the other children surely wished they were like us. Vanity crept in from an early age for us.

Us in our best clothes, at our best behaviour, even the boys did not get their clothes dirty on Christmas day. The older people by afternoon had usually started drinking their beer. Almost every adult in my family drinks beer, or wine, or ciders. It's all ok as long as you are not in primary school. As soon as you pass that stage, you begin to hide it in juice bottles and think that no adult will see you. And the good thing is that the adults would see you and pretend to be ignorant. They liked to see us become worn out like them. I saw it in the way they said with a sly smile on their faces, "you think you are smart hey, I hope you are not drinking beer in that bottle". Why didn't they check?

As it became dark the speakers were taken outside and the music was blasted. The sounds of Brenda Fassie drawing the neighbours one by one into our big yard, as big as my grandma's heart. We would all be dancing, no child no adult. All of us persuaded by Brenda's charm, or Platform No.1's wedding tunes. We danced, they drank, and we realised that they were doo drunk to care what we did so we did quite a lot. We would go to grandma's room where all the goodies were hidden so that we do not abuse them. We stole what we could, we went to the fridge to drink milk from the carton, we fought, we went wild with excitement. 

We woke up the next day in our Christmas clothes, sleeping on top of one another, in no order and with no care in the world. Every 26th of December we woke up late. The whole house except for Grandma. She always sat by her chair in the sitting room, always listening to the radio with a cup of tea in her hand. Always greeting us in the sweetest way, not even our own mothers did that. "Hello ngwanaka" "Hello pinkie" "Hello baby" "Hello ponka" "Hello my chocolate" "Hello mama" "Hello papa" as we each walked out from the bedroom hungover from playing, dresses wrinkled up. No one shouts at us for sleeping in our clothes on the 26th of December. Everybody is hungover and everybody understands.

Those were the best Christmas days of my life. Church in the morning, big lunch, pretty dresses, food, and my Grandma's love. She is now gone to rest forever, left so gently like a child. I was grown when she left, loving her back and begging God to keep her. I couldn't imagine life without her love. I couldn't imagine what would bring us together again besides her funeral. Cousins, uncles, friends, everyone misses her. And on Christmas day, everyone thinks about her and talks about "back in the good old days". No longer together, each family makes their own plans, each teenager her own ways, and no one really cares. Grandma is gone.

Spiritual Man

I know many Christian ladies have this idea that they don't want a man who is 'too spiritual'. For me, my husband's spirituality is exactly the most important reason I agreed to marry him. I love him, I am very attracted to him, but how many people have I been attracted to and 'loved' before? From the time I reached puberty attraction to a man, or boy at that time was the most natural thing ever. And the feeling of being in love was just as natural. So if making a lifetime decision is going to be based on feelings, then it's a gamble. I decided to go the safer way and trust God to lead me to the right man for me.

I knew without a single doubt that this man is a gift from God, and today as he encourages me with scriptural words, without even knowing that I am discouraged, I just feel like God is saying to me, "I love you, I will always be here to help you". I would have never had this deeply intimate relationship with my husband if our relationship was only physical and emotional. I had to first be a spiritual woman who works on her intimacy with God through worship, prayer and service, always seeking to please my God. And while I was busy with my God, the man I was to get married to was also busy building his relationship with God, learning to be led by Him and to depend on him. Now that we are together, we are both confident that God who brought us together will never leave us nor forsake us.

It started with me saying: God, I am tired of living a sinful life. Forgive me and save me. I know that Jesus is your Son and I can get to You though him, I believe he died on the cross for me and is now risen.

I sincerely wanted to surrender my life to God because I realised that all I had could go away any minute and I'd have no one. I could lose my family, my friends, so I needed to have something that could never ever be taken away from me. God is that one thing. So no amount of betrayal, loss or disappointment can make me lose hope now because I have God.

Receive Christ into your life and experience true Peace.

Lazy Days

I will never again feel bad for spending a whole Saturday (after exams) doing nothing. It suddenly occured to me that I will long for such lazy days when I have children. I had a wonderful Saturday alone in the house; not thinking about my future, not thinking about anything serious but just being. How refreshing it was even as I went out to Plaza to drool at all the lovely fabrics and colourful things they have on a rainy day...without an umbrella!

Life is too precious to spend stressing about what you don't have and complaining about what you have. Love God, love mankind, love your life and become a better person day by day. The world is messed up, but really, is your own life that bad? Are you alone, homeless, crippled, deaf and blind, absolutely naked and hungry? If you are better off than this then praise God! Even if you are not, as long as you are alive, there is hope. Pray for your loved ones and live a hope-full life.

Hi!

The truth is that if you do not write consistently, you will not improve as a writer. You cannot wait for the moment when you have just the right thing to write. I have not reached my goal for writing this year, I allowed 'life' to get between me and my pen. I'm not so sad about it but I look forward to December break; to pushing myself and developing a structure around my writing. It has to be a habit or there will be no progress. I might not be very regular on this blog, but that's because I am busy writing, and when I do visit, I hope there will be a difference in my writing. More distinct style of writing, more confidence, more maturity and ability to address issues.

Don't forget to make this Christmas meaningful for someone less fortunate than you. Spend time with them, buy them a gift, whatever is from the heart will be well appreciated. And if you do an act of kindness and you don't get a 'thank you' in return, don't be discouraged. God has seen your heart and it is he that will reward you openly.

Lots of love,

T.S.

I just want to make a difference.

On This First Wedding Anniversary

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get maa-rried, going to the chapel and we're gonna get maa-rried.....

That was my song exactly a year ago. It was an exciting time, though my mind was too much in the moment to actually feel the busyness. This time last year I was getting my makeup done and having a nervous chat with my friends and sisters in my room. What beautiful memories these are, and many thanks to God that on that day, I also looked forward to making love to my husband for the first time. I say thanks to God because hubby and I are both normal young adults with raging hormones so for us to wait for our wedding night was purely by grace. Was it worth it? 100%. Our wedding day didn't just mean "making things official", it meant sealing a covenant before God, spending the night together for the first time, and getting down for the first time! There were so many firsts that came with our marriage that the memory just brings tears to my eyes.

I got to experience marriage the way God intended. I do not take it lightly and every now and then my husband and I just recollect and talk about how blessed we both are. We enjoy each other wholly, with great appreciation for one another and gratefulness to God for our unity. And for me, my marriage is real proof that everything written in God's word is true. I speak particularly about God's salvation and his grace and mercy. If the world were to judge me based on my (not so holy) past, I would by no standards qualify to get married, let alone to have a beautiful wedding day. All I did was dare to believe God and everything else I cannot explain except to say that God is real and He is with me. It takes a personal experience to understand this truth, but thankfully God is available to all who are willing to receive him as their Lord and Saviour.

I am in awe of God's love and mercy. It has got no limits I promise you. Everything that God has done to me and for me, He can do for you, for anyone in this earth. And if you ever let him in, you will never want to go back. He fills the gap deep inside that no amount of attention, wealth or health can fill.

Praise God!

T.

The Handshake

The bible teaches us not to look down on the poor but to treat them like we would treat a rich man because the same God who created the rich man is the same one who created tho poor man.

Lately I have determined to not be one of them that read the bible and then walk away and forget what it says concerning me. That is like looking in the mirror and the moment you walk away from it you forget what you look like, and if there's any stray hair you need to put in place. So Holy Spirit has been taking me to the really hard parts of the bible; the parts that give instruction, rather than the favourite scriptures that tell me I am the head and not the tail! The scripture that says that if a man wearing a gold ring and all sorts of bling comes in, and another tattered one comes in, I should not make the tattered one sit on the floor and make the blinging one take the chair, because if I do that I am being partial, yet my God is not a partial God. Imagine if God did that, most of us would be unfavoured, because if not for God I wouldn't be royalty.

Knowing that it is through God's grace and mercy that I have a high place in His Kingdom, I thank God that he brought me to James 2:1-13 because I must confess that although I am not one of those that are 'class' conscious, when I see a beggar I tend to wish they were just not there. I now have about 15 (numbers change a lot) homeless men camping in front of my workplace and they make the whole place smell so bad. I have to hold my breath as I take the stairs up into the hall. Already I wash my hands everytime I touch surfaces in general, so you can imagine how disturbing these guys are to me. It is not even about my safety because these guys see me everyday and greet me, and call me 'sistaz' and I just don't believe that most evil comes from people like them. I have personal experiences that have made me to know that harm comes from the inside more than it does from outside. And besides, being a child of God, I am very confident about my protection and that if danger was meant to happen to me, Holy Spirit would warn me and instruct me to be elswhere or do things differently.

Today, one of the men that camp by my door offered his dry cigarette smelling hand for a handshake...and I took it and shook his hand. It's not only because I happen to work in a church, but I just became conscious of the fact that I am not here on my own, but I am representing Jesus in all I do. Jesus would never ever make anyone feel unworthy, and thats the only reason why I am alive today. If Jesus can associate himself with me as I was before He saved me, then who am I to look down on a homeless man who has this smile on his face? I shook his hand and knew deep down that I did the right thing.

Many people who care about me would never have allowed me to do that, I know. And I might have never had the guts to do that in front of them because they would ask me if I'm crazy or if I think I'm superwoman. But I lost nothing, I am safe because of God not my own smartness.

So I thought I should share this experience with you so that when you get faced with situations like these, you remember not to favour the one from high society over 'Plain Jane'. It doesn't make you a better person.

Lots of love,

T

Show Respect to ALL

Never take the importance of communication lightly, even if what someone is trying to communicate may seem trivial to you. Remember that what you feel is important might likewise seem petty to your friend/lover/parent/daughter/colleague but you would still like them to hear you out and think about what you are saying and respond. Listening is not only about doing it so that when your turn comes you will also be listened to, there is much more to it. When someone talks to you, they are expressing themselves and many times they are taking a risk because no one wants to be rejected. This means that your sensible (caring) response is very important because if you continually reject someone they will refrain from communicating in the future and will carry resentment towards you. It may not affect you but if you care about a loved one you would not want them to carry such hurt because of you.

Let us then love in deeds and not in words. Think through and realise how much influence you have on your family and friends. For the fact that they are around you, it means that your reaction to them affects them either for good or bad. We all have a responsibility to one another; to bring out the best in one another and make this world a friendly environment to all. And please don't end it with your loved ones, be good to all people and treat everyone as important. When you don't do that you might not realise it but you are basically communicating that you are better than those you look down on. And let me tell you friend, you are not better than anyone; thank God for the grace to do good to others where some fail, but see that all the credit goes to God and not yourself. Humble yourself and you will be lifted up, but dare to lift yourself up and you surely will be humbled.

This is a simple life lesson but many times 'good' people fall into the trap of thinking they are better than others and can get away with ill treating others, but it is not right. Let us all work on our human relationships with the consciousness that we are not just dealing with mere people but God's most loved beings.

Tumi Going Funny

My next short story will be on 'The Prophet'. I am very excited about this one! Experimenting with new writing styles and growing as a writer, I have the story already in my mind, I just look forward to watching it develop and unfold and mature right before my eyes. This one is a comedy mixed with some food for thought. Hope I get it right because I'm not a funny person, not into jokes at all, but I sure know how to enjoy some good quality humor Shakespeare style!

Nameless Woman... Again

Remember I wrote about some lady who was asking me for R100 at FNB (bank), well it turns out she lied. I saw her again at the bank, this time sitting outside with her two children. I think she is sincerely stranded but what she said about her car needing petrol... well that must have been a lie because here in Johannesburg, beggars don't drive cars. The broke people with cars have a back up plan of some sort.

I felt sad for her because I can see that she has some dignity, she does not beg in the most obvious way, and her head is turned downs when she asks, like she is embarassed. Her children are so adorable (Coloured, as in a race in South Africa) and the whole scene is just heartbreaking. I wonder if she would have bought food for her children if I had given her the R100 rands, or if she would have bought alcohol to drown her many sorrows.

Well I didn't help her in anyway so I should not torment myself with thoughts of her and how I think she lives. I must get her out of my mind because I will just end up condemning myself for seeing a woman in need and not helping her. What can be done with the situation of ... I don't want to say beggras, too demeaning ... of desperate, homeless people? My concern is that giving them money is not sustainable, a woman like that with clean clothes on herself and her children, no perfume but smelling clean, a woman like that has some hope in her. She probably does have a place where she lives, because I know the smell of living in the streets, I have some people sleeping by the doorstep of my workplace. She has not that pungent smell.

I think that she needs her hope to be reignited by God. And after that, when she decides that only God can help her and she does have a future and a responsibility to her children, after she recognises that then she needs support with food and clothing for herself and her children. And she will also need counseling and to be reminded that though her children are not in school, she must teach them herself, counting, colours, all the things she is able to teach them and she must believe God for a turnaround. After that she will be in a better position to restructure her life and look for a job or start a business.

There is a way out, because as long as you are living, there is hope for you. Unfortunately with the resources i have, the time and funds as well as the know-how, I am not at this phase able to implement this idea to help my nameless woman. See how I now attach her to myself. She refuses to leave my mind.

Gym? I Don't Wanna Hear It.

Do we understand the reason why we need to keep healthy? To eat right and exercise? The way we react to this issue does not convince me that we as people really understand the importance of a balanced diet and exercise. We know very well the importance of looking good and that's why we make sure we do the "three step cleansing" and wear those super high platform shoes. We are informed and therefore we act on the information we know about fashion.

That is expected of a literate being like you and I; to use our knowledge base to influence our decisions. Why then is it that when it comes to the most important issues like our health, we refuse to act like intelligent, learned people? We read article after article about the latest research on cancer, on health and so on and we say to everyone, "I'm going on a protein diet" or, "I need to start going to gym" - we say all these pretty things but never do we lift a finger to actually do them. It seems to me that we don't take our health seriously enough, perhaps because we do not see the results of our poor habits...yet.

It's time that we start doing whatever we can to invest in our health; drinking more water wont take a cent out of you. Eating less portions if we are trying to lose weight will even save us some. And adding fruits and veges and taking it easy on the oil isn't such a difficult thing now is it? Gym. Well, no need to sign up at virgin active just yet, develop consistency first in your lounge. Do the sit ups, push ups, kickboxing etc. in your own lounge for 15 minutes everyday and tell me if you don't notice a difference! I am doing exactly that and am sooo excited that investing only 15minutes each day to exercise is giving me such returns! I do plan on taking it up a notch after a month.

The key to developing any good habit is in consistency, so rather than doing a lot once every week, do a little each day and see just how much your body will thank you!

I love you all and share these things with you so that we can all improve our health together, there's no fun in being the only hot mama at 70 now is there? ;)

I must add that as a woman, even your reproductive system will dance for joy at your new commitment to your health! I will not get into details about that because I want you to try it for yourself and tell me what happens ;).

Peace.

Nothing

There is so much to say, but it's not every time that your heart is full that you should pour it out, sometimes you have to wait. Today I have to wait because if I were to talk about what's in my heart, it would be like feeding you raw guava. It's good for no one. Let's allow the fruit to ripen a little but not to ferment. Old news is sour to the tongue, that's why we can't live on old revelation. There is something fresh available each day, each season, each year, because nothing in this world stays the same but God alone. Love TS

Times And Seasons

Understanding the times and seasons gives you command over your generation. What does that mean?

When you understand the phase or time you are in, you do not expect that which is not found in that season but instead you prepare for what that season has to offer. This sounds obvious but when we look at people's reactions to circumstances, we realise that they actually have no undersanding of the times and seasons. A leader does not panic with the crowd, rather, he takes authority and keeps the crowd calm, knowing that he has a solution. When you understand the season you are in, and it happens to be mid summer, you do not get frustrated over the fact that the orange tree is not bearing fruit. You know that it is not the season for oranges and rather than frowning over a lack of oranges, you rejoice because there is an abundance of mangoes.

Such a simple truth yet so difficult for mankind to grasp. We are too competitive and want to have the best of everything all the time. We do not even pause to think that perhaps today is not the time but tomorrow will hold something for me. Such a dreadful race we are in, burning out because of our neighbour who is also burning out because of us. Well, the bible talks of mature sons who do things differently. These are the sons of Issachar, the bible says that they understood the times and seasons and therefore their generation was at their command. The did not do react the same way the crowd did. They maximised on their harvest season and made the most of seedtime. They know when it was a time of transition and prepared themselves for change. They were never caught off guard, instead they prepared in advanced and rested while others were in a panic because of ignorance.

Beloved, make time to think. Think thoroughly and trust in God's word, that is how you learn to understand the times and seasons. God's word is like a wisdom manual and has all the understanding you could ever desire. When you have taken a hold of this understanding, because you will, then make the most of it in your life and help others to discover it too. That is where command comes in. When you are in command it means that your word holds value, use your words to change the lives of others so that mankind will benefit because of you. And that is the leader's delight.

It Happens

It happens that sometimes you open yourself up to someone and they poke a little needle in there. It happens that you share your secret and they spill it out by accident. It happens too that you love and get back only coldness. It does happen, but never must it change you. Your love must never be altered by their emotions, by their weakness or their mistake. Stay loving, keep believing and be ever joyful, because that is what distinguishes you as a child of God. LOVE.

Critical Advise

Just a word of advise; think carefully about the advise you choose to take. When you are under pressure, it sometimes appears like everyone has a good point, and the first person to speak into your situation particularly has a high chance of being the person who will influence your decision. This not only means that you should think before applying that advise, but it means that you should be selective about the people you allow to speak into your life.

Often we have many people we call friends, and we don't necessarily choose them because they are wise, or highly spiritual; we choose them because we have common interests and enjoy one another's company. While these may be important in friendship, it is also important to make sure that when it comes to making decisions, you are not quick to run to the people that make you feel good about yourself, but you talk to a mature and spiritual friend or parent or brother etc. You need to talk to someone who will not tell you the logical thing to do, but who can discern and tell you what God wants you to hear. They might even not have a solution for you but give you more confidence in your ability to hear God, so that you may hear for yourself what God's instruction for you is at that particular junction.

Hey, I know that there are times when you feel like you need confirmation from a person, a friend or loved parent; but remember that God has the best answer for you and your ability to hear Him will save you much trouble.

Lots of love,

The woman who has just made a decision.

That Woman

It feels like I have not blogged in ages! I haven't had a chance, with assignments due very soon, they are all I think about right now. I look around me and people's gestures, the scents around me, light, all these somehow translate to either Milton, Paradise Lost, Master Harold and the Boys - Athol Fugard, or Es'kia Mphahlele's Down Second Avenue. These are my best friends at the moment, but unfortunately I can't even enjoy them because I can't afford the luxury of taking my time to drink every word on the pages and to bond with the imagery presented to me. No, I have to write something smart and submit it very soon.

But something has been nagging my thoughts lately. Here in Johannesburg it is not easy to trust anyone, even family at times! It may sound crazy but tricksers are all around, a problem common with all big cities. So I am just wondering how other people react to a stranger asking them for money and saying they are desperate and narrating some sad story. How do you react to that? I have had many such encounters in the streets and I would not even blink, moved right along as if I didn't see or hear anyone speak. But this one time, recently, I met a woman with the most adorable two children. She told me her stranded story and asked for money. My heart broke, but I sincerely did not have money on me, although I could have made a plan. With all my heart I wanted to help her, she asked for R100 for petrol or something like that and gave me her cellphone number and address, but I didn't have the money. I later smsed her, and prayed for her.

I have heard that the Jozi tricksters are getting smarter by the day, could it be that I was falling for some trick and fortunate not to have money with me, or was that encounter meant to lead me to praying for that woman and sowing a seed of salvation in her life? We'll I don't know yet.

There must come a day when your spirit is awakened and you come to yourself.

I Forgive You

We are currently having a series at church called The Power of Love. I knew it would be a powerful one but I was not prepared for the tests God would bring my way through the teachings. I am having to confront pride and to say "I am sorry" to people I have hurt even though I know that they too have hurt me. I am having to forgive those that hurt me and make peace with myself and those around me. Honestly, in my heart I have forgiven everyone who has wronged me and have let go of the hurt they caused me, but I have not yet apologised to those I have hurt. It is not an easy thing to do, even though I know that it can only do good for me, I find myself still being reluctant and still placing pride before obedience.

It is God that is instructing me to ask for forgiveness, and I have read through that passage many times without thinking it could be directed to me. I have, instead, shut out whoever I think I can do without in my life even though it sometimes hurts just thinking about them. That hurt is a reminder that there are unsettled matters that must be settled and as a believer it is wrong of me to harden my heart from God's correction. Not only is it wrong but it is dangerous because if I continue like that I could end up weakening my ability to hear God.

Because of my reverence to God, I will obey His instruction and apologise to those I have wronged, knowing that God only wants the best for me and pride has thus far not helped me in any way. I urge you too to go back to your brother and forgive them or ask for their forgiveness. This will give you confidence to go before your Father and make your request knowing that as He has forgiven you, so also have you forgiven others. God is love and if God is in you, you are love-full. Love forgives all things and keeps no record of wrong.

Peace.

Everyday Give Thanks

Everyday give thanks to God for all he has done. You might be experiencing some disappointments, but remember that in comparison to God's great love for you, they are nothing and not worth your focus. In comparison to God's great and wondrous plans concerning you, no situation is worth you your worries. God is doing a great thing in your life, do not be deceived by anything that appears contrary to what you know God has already done in the spirit realm, just take a hold of it by confessing God's word and the spiritual will be made manifest in the natural.

Unchanged

The sun will rise and set
The bee will return to it's hive
The lion will cease to roar
And God remains unchanged

All that move will someday not
All that breathes will even rot
And everything will change
Yet God remains the same.

The Lowly

This morning I saw two homeless young men sleeping by the doorway to my workplace (which is in a corner). I thought well and hard about how I was going to get them to leave as I was crossing the road and slowly walking towards them. I thought about the different positions and approaches I could take and which was best. Was I going to be the offended strict madam, was I going to be the terrified vulnerable woman who was scared of hobos or was I going to be the person that I am talking to fellow human beings?

Well, it's always easiest to be yourself, so I went for the easiest way out, but I still had to be firm and make sure they take me seriously. It was the first time I ever faced such a situation, and for me it touched something inside. I walked up to them and woke them up by tapping on my security door with my key. They uncovered their heads and I plainly and firmly told them to get off my way. They quickly obliged and shuffled out of sight, then I unlocked my door and went in. The smell of the homeless followed me in. It was a pungent smell of filth and shame and I couldn't wait to have it wear off as I went deeper into the building.

I though about the two guys for some time, how they ended up there and if they had a great future ahead of them. I though, 'if they have a future to look forward to, how are they going to get there?' Obviously it would not merely be through an endless supply of R5 coins for them to but cigarettes. It would take one powerful encounter with God. No man can attempt to change those lives, they would get exhausted before they even succeed because what they need more than a new pair of clothes and a bar of soap is a flick of hope. What they need is to see a new picture and to experience God's unfailing love. I also thought how unfortunate it is that as much as we know that we are God's vessels here on earth, many of us still remain reluctant to allow God to work through us, we forget that God loves the homeless as well as he loves the priest.

This is not an easy confrontation for me, but I am glad it happened because it has me thinking of how I can allow God to use me to impact the lives of the most unlovable people around me. I am now on a quest to discover ways of changing lives. By God's grace my zeal will not wear off and by God's grace something will come out of the encounter I had this morning. I will keep you posted and hope that if I need more hands, I will find them in you.

Lots of love,

TS

I wish I could share something special with you all but today I'm one that needs cheering up. I had my wisdom tooth removed yesterday, I was so scared because I'm afraid of injections and cuts, and those dentistry tools are not encouraging at all. The process went pretty well, though the dentist struggled to remove my tooth, she said my teeth really love me, and though I didn't feel any pain during the procedure, I could hear her struggling with the tooth and I felt the pulling. I don't know if it was because she is a small lady, or if my tooth was really just being difficult, but the struggle almost got me worried. I prayed throughout mainly for myself not to feel any pain and for the doctor not to say there are complications.

And guess what? My root was curved and was causing the difficulty abut she finally managed to pull it out. She later mentioned that I would have really needed to remove it surgically but she was trying to avoid that. She told me I need to do three fillings, so I have to get back to that horrific room.

Today, well I have not taken painkillers today, so the pain is almost unbearable. I am just so afraid of painkillers, I bought capsules but they are so big that they get stuck somewhere and make me feel nauseous and that adds to the discomfort. I know I should be taking them but ooh, how scared I am of pills. I might be sounding like a big baby right now but that's me. Needles and pills get me sweating and shaking at the same time. I am having Mageu right now, I dined on Yogi Sip and felt hungry in the early morning, I am craving Chicken 'Licken hot wings, but I was advised to avoid spicy food, hot things, solid food until I get better. I understand why; my throat is also suffering for my lack of self control where chocolate is concerned (my wisdom tooth was decayed right to the root). So swallowing is a mission, opening my jaw wide is torture, I just wish for this day to end.

All of this would have been better if I could have my husband's full attention but unfortunately it's happening at the worst of times. He is doing some serious multitasking at the moment, much is required from him and he has to deliver, for both our sake. He can only look at me in that way that only he does, and say "sorry, it will all be over soon". I miss my mother, she would be fussing right now, making sure I get better asap while also shouting at the others to get this or that done. Talking about it helps :)

A Short One

Lord, teach me to alwyas be thanksful to you for everything and in all things. Give me the grace to love the unlovable and to remain humble as You lift me. Guide my tongue that I may never curse but always bless and bring life to situations with my tongue. Lord, correct me and continue to tell me the things I do which displease you, by your grace, I know I will overcome them. You are a loving Father and I know that even in your correction, I will see your love. Thank you for loving me and believing in me.

Your precious daughter,
Always seeking to please you,
Sometimes failing but never giving up

T Shongwe

My Farmhouse & Cave

I used to feel bad for not having ambitions like my friends. I wanted to do well in life and to have a beautiful home but no matter how hard I tried, the picture of myself in a pencil skirt with a corner office at the 12th floor just never seemed true. I did at some times have that picture but my gut told me I was deceiving myself.

I have read somewhere that as people grow older they become more sure of themselves, that women in their thirties are more confident and sure. Obviously, the average woman by the time she is thirty has stabilised in her career, has a husband or "lifetime partner", maybe even a child or a couple of children. These things mean that one is no longer wondering what their life will be like, they are already living their life. I am not yet in my thirties but have grown to have that peace within me that these thirty something women are said to have. I stopped creating images in me that do not match with who I am and what God has called me to do, and that is what gave me peace. I am now in love with the true picture: not a pencil skirt but pants and a blazer; a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, and other details of this true picture which definitely will not be an office on the 12th floor. It's beautiful but it's not me. My office is not just beautiful, it's peaceful, fresh and stimulating. It reflects the person I am; unpretentious, loving, warm and simply elegant.

Discovering this about my nature really gave me great joy. That I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a lover, a friend and my office must reflect these dear things about me. For me these are not just roles I play, I serve the community not as one serving the 'poor little things' but as a mother doing what is expected of her by her children in the community. I talk to women as sisters, and not as a learned one shedding light and hoping they can understand what 'these things mean'.

That is my portion and I love to know it and live it. And if you are wondering where the big farmhouse will come from with such a profitless passion, wonder no more. The profit is plenty here, not financially but I consider being fulfilled as priceless profit, God will add all these things unto me. I trust Him.

Just Remembering

I once met this young lady in the taxi, she was young, coloured, pretty and colourful. I was on my way to work, and she was on her way to school, she said. She was painting her nails on the taxi and that's how we got talking, I just had to ask her if she was meeting someone special, because she was prepared to endure doing such a hard job in the discomfort of an unstable taxi. So we spoke a little and she asked me what I do. I'm a PA I said to her. She said but I look familiar, she said she thought I look like an editor of a magazine or something. I said well I'm happy to hear that because someday I will be an editor of some magazine. She smiled and said all the best, you'd make a good one. I smiled back and said you'd make a great lawyer. She said when she finishes school she would like to become a lawyer. She ws not in uniform though she said she was going to school, so if it was not 'civies day' that day when you can come wearing your best outfit, then she was bunking school. I thought to myself. I will never forget that little encounter. The young lady who thought I was an editor, and thought right.

Moon

And when the moon is afloat so peacefully in the dark sky, we wonder at its silence, its quiet majesty, and even when we ask, it sends no reply.

For the Lovers Out There

As you know, except you are really self-obsessed and demented you cannot attempt to count ALL the good deeds you do for others. That's becaue you are doing them because you see a need and happen to be able to help and you are simply being human. We are born with compassion, although the levels of compassion vary greatly, helping someone is generally not a difficult thing for an average person, or rather lets focus on believers since we most certainly have adopted the love nature of God in us.

But I have come to realise that as we get busier and have bigger dreams for ourselves, we tend to have less time to serve others, and even less resources to spare for others, so we end up being so busy doing this and that, and all we can offer is "Aaah, sorry dear, I wish I could help but...". We sincerely have things to do, a new rug to buy, lunch with friends, or we have to work and if not work it's church, if not church it's a management course etc. Everyone has become so busy now that if someone is not busy, we wonder what could be wrong with them.

It's a good thing to be busy but it's even better if in our busyness we are also busy making time for others. I am talking about the others whom we (appear to) have nothing to benefit from; pausing for a moment to sincerely listen to them and encouraging them, getting into Ackermans to buy the homeless guy who parks your car a jersey for winter. It actually does not take much from you but it gives you so much joy and no matter how unfavourable your day might be, thinking about that act of kindness will definitely put a smile on your face.

God bless you my friend.

You Can't Change Him

Lean not on your own understanding. You may think that there's no way God can love you, and you base that thought on the fact that you have done some terrible things in your life and you still do some things that you know wouldn't please Him. He does love you, God is love and there is nothing you can do that will remove His love from you. Your actions can't change who God is, nothing can, so find comfort in knowing that you are loved.

HE AND I

I love to sing him songs

And whisper in his ear

He loves the sound of my voice

He truly holds me dear

I love it when he talks

I love it when he moves

I love to see him work

And watch him in his gear

When we meet we never part

When we talk we share our heart

And when I feed him royal songs

He bathes me in his beautiful love.

He is not afraid of me

I am not afraid of him

He knew me from fore I was

I knew him from when he is

Our flesh mingles

Our spirit one
Inseparable
He and I

The Woman I Admire

The woman I admire, She is not an academic,
Not even a humanitarian or celebrity
She goes to work in the morning and comes home late sometimes
Back to her quiet house to watch tv.
I never said she was perfect,
Who in this world is anyway,
She just has something about her,
A certain...strength of character
Well, she's like a teabag
That's been dipped in hot water
Not once or twice, several times
It takes a strong flavour to still be going strong
After all that dipping
It takes a strong woman
And that she is
And for that she will get her reward
Rest, peace, love, joy,
And whatever good thing you can think of
She will taste the milk and honey
That flows from the land
In this very land of the living
A flower.

Something to read: The Great Gatsby

I look forward to watching The Great Gatsby, the movie. I enjoyed the book by  F. Scott Fitzgerald as it was not the usual novel with a 'moral' at the end. Just some good old action and suspense, and a rather unfair ending too! I'd fill you in but I'm not the best book reviewer around, it feels like schoolwork to me ;). If you haven't read it, get it or borrow it from the library and start reading, even if you don't like reading, just give it a try and tell me how you find it. I bet you'll love it!

The Woman In The Taxi

This world is full of such amazing people, I just can't help but be joyful each day as I meet interesting people, even if for a brief moment. Today in the taxi a woman sat next to me, she must be in her late forties, but she was in school uniform, wearing a jacket over it so I never even noticed until much later. She started talking to me, as these older women like to do in taxis. We drove past a building with a AVBOB sign and she asked me if I have ever been there, pointing to the building. I said no, and she said, "Sho! It's where they cremate people. You'll hear a crackling sound, then another one, as the bones burn to ashes, then a final loud crack!" and she went on, "They only allow family there."

She was sipping on a can of coke with a straw, quite like a child would. And I responded with a little shock and interest in her more than her story. Was she telling me that she had lost someone in her family? Well, then it's good of her to use such opportunities to talk about it, strangers are less critical, I thought to myself. She continued to tell me that she was from school, a total diversion and a very random one. That's what I enjoyed about my brief experience of meeting this woman whose name I do not know. She uncovered her jacket to show me that she was wearing uniform. It was the usual check skirt, green, with a white shirt and a deep green tie. I was like, wow, that's great! I really meant it. So she told me her younger brother had gone to the same school, and even her uncle and aunt and cousins. She was really proud of the school that she even told me it's name. I forgot it. For me the name was not important, she was the most important person at that moment, the most interesting and amazing person. I smiled and she said, "Yes! I go to school!" with such pride that I just couldn't help but love her. Then a bit of silence, and she went on, based on my accent from our previous conversation, "Where are you from?"

I said Botswana. And with the most adorable expression of surprise or shock she said, "Where in Botswana?" I said Gaborone. "Yho! You look like my relatives, my uncle's children. What's your name? I told her and she told me their surname, hoping I might say I know them and we are related. Ah, time up, I had to get off the taxi.

I thought about her for a very long time. I wondered about her school, about her relatives in Botswana, and about her relative who got cremated. My thoughts from that moment were somehow linked to the encounter I had with her, and I was happy. So maybe after sharing this experience with you I will move on to other thoughts :)

Between Here and There

At the border gate, Death on the other side, and me, in no-man's-land. It seems harder to catch my breath; it slips out easily and comes back in with a painful effort. It is life isn't it? Easily lost to waste, and with difficulty brought back to order. Well, that is me before it ended.

I lie there in a pool of my own substance, thick and fluid at the same time, like custard powder, like lead. The deep colour clings to my clothes and makes me feel sticky and dirty. I shouldn't touch it, I know better than that! I knew better when I was younger, but now that I am grown this thing called purpose possesses me and I live for it, and now die for it, if indeed I die. It's the fault of this adult thing that I lie in my own... I can't stand that word, not when it is outside the body. I lie in my own deep colour. I can't tell if it's maroon or black, it is ugly. If you have seen things in this life you will know what I mean.

The shooting continues from a distance and I am not afraid. I lie there like a hero, seeming to give up but determined to live. And living becomes harder as I take each excruciating breath. The blood, oh how I shiver at the thought, it oozes out of a hole in my stomach, and more in my eye. The pain is not unbearable, it is beyond that, it is now necessary; the less I feel pain, the more I am certain that I am slipping away. And I cannot, not just yet.
I take a deep breath occasionally to force that life inside me, to feel pain and be hopeful. And now it slips out mockingly, all I  feel is cold and hot at the same time. Such a strange thing it is to die, to see your mind becoming nearly blank, and your emotions almost irrelevant. To see everything slip away into nothingness.

I hear voices over me, they seem happy with the battle, they are going to win and fulfill purpose. And my husband stands there smiling, and I want to be there for him but now I am tempted to release all and follow the peace and quiet. He needs me at that point more than I him. I take that deep breath, like gulping down pain, and try to hold it in. More pain. I release and repeat with shorter intervals until I gain the courage to turn my head slightly.

"She just moved!"

That's my husband with a panic in his voice.

But, I thought I saw him smile. Now he moves around frantically not knowing what to touch and what to leave alone. Now he begins to pray in the spirit but it's as though he is saying to me, "Wake up, you are not dead. Receive the strength of the Lord Jesus, receive it now! Get up young woman, the battle is not over yet, you are needed on the battlefield."

That's what I hear, so I try to smile. I know I have to endure the pain, it is not yet time to slip away to the other side. So instead I wake up, I uncover my head from the deprived blanket, and open my eyes to see my husband standing over me.

"Wake up Ms T" He says with a smile.

Brrrr....

It's hard to wake up in the morning in winter, but nothing beats knowing that you have maximised your day and owe it nothing. As you have heard before, 'time waits for no man', so let's get working ladies and gentlemen... you will get your reward in due season!

Attracting Opportunities

So things are not so great now, you are not where you though you'd be and everyone else around you seems to be progressing but you. Well, your noticing that is a sign that the pity party must end now. Enough of comparing yourself with others, enough of complaining, it's now time to take matters into your own hands and do whatever it takes to get yourself out of the situation you are in.

Always remember, there is no such thing as luck. You are responsible for creating opportunities for yourself, or rather for attracting opportunities and for your own progress. And how exactly do you do that? The first thing is to realise that you are in control. No one has a remote control over your life, not even God. God has done his part, he has put in you all that you need to excel in your life and prosper. You are the one in control of your life.

The second thing is to realise that your thoughts are not insignificant; in fact it is your thoughts that have directed your vocabulary and actions to keep you where you are now, an it is your thoughts that can get you out. That means that if you can expose yourself to great things, read and listen to people that inspire you and change your negative thought pattern to a positive, 'I can do all things' kind of attitude, you will begin to first of all feel better, have a better picture of yourself and your future, and you will begin to confess good things about where you want to be.

This tongue might be small but the bible makes us aware that the power of life and death lies in the tongue. You can kill your own destiny with your tongue, and you can bring life to dead situations and dead dreams with your tongue. It is up to you how you choose to use your tongue; whether for you or against you. You might have heard about positive speaking and thought, it is just motivational speakers trying to psyche people up. Well let me tell you that it is not psyche, it is a principle from the bible which always works. Add actions to your confessions and see just how much in control you are.

To test this, you can refuse to change your thoughts, speech and actions, and you will notice that you will not progress. Then try changing your thoughts, start speaking positively about your life and your future, and start taking actions towards developing yourself as a person (it could be reading, doing a course, going back to the gym, nurturing your gift, praying), see how you begin to feel more refreshed and inspired, how you feel more alive and how much more in control you become. That is the perfect environment opportunities are attracted to, so keep doing what you can and being expectant and see how much better your life becomes!

Talk to Him

If God is your father, you don't need to always be so formal with him. Sometime just share your hopes and dreams with him, he is always ready to listen to you and loves it when you talk to him, but instead, we love to go around sharing our thoughts with people who couldn't care less. God loves the sound of your voice and when you talk to him he really appreciates it. Tell him, "Father (Dad/Papa/Daddy/Baba etc.), I am really excited about my son's first day at school, I look forward to the days when we will take him around the world for his school vacations, and... I look forward to the future Father, and it makes me so glad to know that not only are you a part of my future, but you have great plans for me!" How sweet that sounds to God's ear. He's not always waiting to hear you say "Oh God, when you increase me I will build a hospital in the village!" No, he knows your heart, many say that to bribe him and he can't even trust them with the little they have. Be sincere and develop a love relationship with God.
When you learn to talk to God like that, you will see how much more real he becomes to you and how much less you begin to rely on human approval. He loves you too much to ignore you, give it a try and tell me how it goes!

Read on...

God says that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Is it because he loves me more than you? No. God loves us the same but we need to discover what He is saying for ourselves. When you read the bible, you will realise that anyone can be saved and become His child. And once you are His child, not only does He love you (for he loves all his creation) but you will begin to have direct access to Him and His word will become alive to you.

Many people read the bible but find it confusing, it is because there is the revelation dimension that they do not have access to. When you are born again, your eyes are opened to the depth of God's word and you will begin  to see what God is saying concerning your life. God will begin to speak to you through His word and your relationship with Him will give you a supernatural confidence that cannot be attained otherwise; the kind of confidence that enables you to make bold declarations even when things seem to be falling apart. This kind of boldness makes people wonder how you can be at peace in the midst a drought, but you know that you are holding on to God's promises and you have faith in Him that He can never fail you.

These are things that are revealed to you personally when you seek God. No one can convince you of these things, conviction comes through your meditating on God's word until you get a revelation of how it applies to your own life. So my friend, dare to believe in Jesus and experience God for yourself!

If you would like to know more about salvation or being born again, check out these scriptures and you will realise how easy it is: Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, John 1:12, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 10:9-10, John 3:17, Acts 16:30-31. Go through these and read further if you can and you will understand what salvation is about and hopefully you will make the decision to be saved. These are only a few out of many scriptures that you can read on being saved, search for the others and continue to expose yourself to the word of God, because even when you are saved, you need it to renew your mind and adopt God's view of yourself over your own.

Lots and lots of love, T.

Africa Day

I celebrate Africa Day this week by appreciating African writers like Wole Soyinka, Es'kia Mphahlele, Bessie Head, Ngugi Wa Thiong'o, Nadine Gordimer and so forth. These writers for me add to the flavour of Africa, they season our rich culture which differs as tribes differ and yet is so much alike. How else would we have had a taste of the Yoruba culture, the rural South Africa and the beautiful traditions of our fellow Africans? How else? Television refuses to display the heart of the African warrior and the sacrifices he made for his people, it does not send across the scent of the rich Kenyan cuisine, it doesn't even try, but literature has brought us closer to the heart of our beautiful continent. If you want to know your fellow brothers and sisters a little more, experience African literature and allow yourself to be carried into a world of passion, battles, victories and love.

Walk The Talk

Sometimes we confess scriptures but refuse to live by them. We know that God rewards those that diligently seek after Him and we keep confessing it but we refuse to get on our knees and pray, we refuse to seek Him in his Word and know Him better. I have been a culprit to that for a long time but the day came when I decided that I am tired of mediocrity. Average is not cool, it is even worse than having nothing because one tends to get comfortable and deceive themselves in thinking they have their basic needs covered. It is not so; excellence is a basic need for a believer and if we have not yet attained it we must continue to strive for it and become what God intended for us to become. As my pastor once told me, "Pray hard and work hard".

28 April At Mpumalanga

Tswana meets Swati at Shongwe, Schoemansdal. What better to highlight a visit than Swati traditional dancers, music, laughter and food! I had a great time with my newest family and my ancient family. I was initiated into womanhood the Swati way, and I must say, it aint for girls, you gotta be a woman to handle it!

Poetry Speaks

This poem just spoke to me. It exists to tell my story! Can you relate?

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don't you take it awful hard

'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines

Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I've got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame

I rise

Up from a past that's rooted in pain

I rise

I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise. 

Maya Angelou

Sweet Smile

On those days when you feel like you are alone, unloved and ugly, take a look in the mirror and smile and say, "God loves me." That is the purest truth you'd have said all day. Never mind who's not paying attention to you, never mind what you don't have, you have His love and it's more powerful and precious than anything in the world. Now go along and enjoy the rest of your day, always remember that, ... and smile:)

Loving Relationships

Human relationships are complex. Our thoughts differ from one person to another, and sometimes you might think you are on the same page with someone, only to realise later that you were not. The beauty of relationships is in knowing that unless you communicate your thoughts and views, they will not be known, and applying that knowledge. I have realised that the reason why parents and their children seem not to get along sometimes is because each wants to be understood, but no one says anything. When they speak, they shout and by doing that they make the person they think they are communicating to shut their ears.

What we need to do in order to maintain good healthy relationships is to continually talk about our thoughts and views to each other, we must listen attentively to one another and not expect to think the same way. When we understand that we are different and we are sincere with one another, a bond develops which will keep you close even through trying times.

What causes people to feel hurt by their loved ones is because there is no trust. if you trust that someone would not want to hurt you intentionally, when they do hurt you, you forgive easily, give them a chance to tell you their views and tell them why you are hurt. This works both ways but once you understand how to have good relationships, practice it and you will see it rub off on the people around you. It is very tempting to get upset and conclude that you are not loved or cared for just because of something someone did, but resist that temptation and sober up. Ask questions if you don't understand something, rather than jumping to assumptions. And if you are the one on the wrong, express your repentance and love, don't shy away and leave the other person feeling like you don't even care. Basically, be proactive in your relationships and let love reign.

I have learnt these things from not one experience but many experiences. Family members in particular take each other for granted and tend to think that everything is fine if one keeps out of everyone's way and they stay out theirs, but communication means sharing yourself with the next person and allowing them to share themselves with you. It means sometimes listening to your sister talk about that relationship of hers that you do not support in the first place, and talking about what you truly feel. Its OK to be strong, but you always need a place where you know you are not expected to be perfect. Make the most of it and forgive as you too will need to be forgiven at some point.

He Loves You

"God is saying: my child, I have seen you at your worst, there is no need to hide from my presence, I accept you even when you constantly reject yourself, I alone am the key to your true potential, run not away from me but to me, bring your baggage, and let me give you rest, bring your shame and let me cover you with my glory, lose yourself in me and all shall be added unto you" G.M. Seepe


I came across this on my husband's facebook and it just blessed me. To all those people who are making the most of social media to minister to others, keep doing it, even if it seems like no one is noticing what you are doing, believe me, God sees and your words will definitely bless someone. Though a lot of us became born again in front of a crowd, there are some whom Christ revealed Himself to in solitude, through a song, a poem or a testimony. We need not be religious but make the most of our gifts to preach the good news.

When I Blog

Everytime I come here to write something, it ends up being considered for publication in a local magazine. hmm...
Oh, I also have another short story now to add to my collection, thanks to Blogger! This year will surely end with my writing career being more than ten times better! I am expectant. That means at least twenty published articles in several publications. That means at least ten short stories to be published in my Short Story Collection called 'Stories About You'. Watch out for this book!

Black and White. Puo Pha

I used to love white people as a child. They fascinated me; they had long hair and the ones I observed could swim well. My dad used to take us to Sheraton Hotel to go swimming and there was always some friendly white man willing to teach us there. In those days having a glass of very cold Coke at the hotel was more than a treat. Who cares for coke now?

I loved white people, but I didn't like the white kids I had the opportunity to observe. They whined a lot and were very sensitive. A little scratch tore off their skin so I was manipulated into pitying them, and sometimes letting them have their way. But I was a child too, and having my way was what I could kill for. The children were not so interesting, but their parents were. They liked me too, and said I was inquisitive. I asked my mum what it meant and she told me it means I ask a lot of good questions. The white parents used to be really nice, they patiently tried to teach me how to swim, but I only learnt later with the help of a not very white woman. Miss Khan. She was a Coloured-Indian, now that I am more informed, I can tell.

The white people listened to me when I talked and made me feel important. I used to think that's how they are all the time, and I wished I was a child of white people. My parents too made me feel special, but when they were tired or angry with me I knew I was in for it. I was only a little spoilt, loved by my dad most, I think it's because I look like my mother, and I must have said a lot of silly things, because they say that I talked too much. Now I know, a good child talks too much. What business do they have keeping things to themselves, and not being curious? They must talk so that we the adults can gauge how much they know and if we need to be concerned about anything.

A little bit later, I got to observe the white people more. I sneaked up into their lives, or they sneaked into mine, I don't know. I observed them even when they were sleeping. I learnt that they were just like us, nothing special about them at all. Their number two even smelled a little worse than mine! Well at least the one I befriended for some years. The adults shouted at their kids, and they didn't eat nice things all the time. I had more nicer things and had a larger portion of food. Even my white friend said so.

Her white mother gave her a cheese sandwich and told her simba chips were poisonous. I had the best lunch box; chips, chocolate sometimes, and juice. We exchanged the chips for her cheese sandwich. Later I learnt that her mother was smart. But that's much later when I had been through all sorts of emotions concerning white people.

I stopped observing the white people, after all, we brethed the same air and they did number two, so what was there to observe that was different? I had new interests that drew me to the library and had me lost in thought a little too often. I grew up a little and my growing up was my focus. Boys, music, clothes, and sometimes religion were my focus. Don't get me wrong, my religious focus was not the right kind. I was questioning all I heard and inventing my little theories. I will tell you about that another time, now I'm telling you about my feelings towards white people.

You might think I have an obsession for white people, it's ok. I will tell you now that black people talk a lot about white people. I am black, and I don't even talk as much as the people i have heard talk about white people. Whether they are educated or not, celebrities or not, everyone is talking about white people. I didn't really care for them at all, until I became concerned because some of the people talking about white people seem very angry. It is now 2012, the year of government. I was very shocked when I joined twitter to realise that people are not happy with the white people. They say that racism still exists. i have heard less angry claims from other people, I have made my own claims concerning white people, but I did not realise that they were that popular! I mean, right now if you are not talking about white people, you are outdated. As a writer, if you do not write about white people, no one will buy your books, and the artist who has no white mentioned in his interpretation of the artwork has no career as an artist.

The 'white bug' is spreading so far and fast that it's almost contagious. I think I have caught it. I am one of those people that love to write about flowers and butterflies, thorns and holes. I love to write about smiles and tears, people and angels. All the sweet little things that sometimes come disguised as pain and sometimes haunt you at night. The dangerous things that we fall in love with. That's what I write about.

But now let me tell you what happened after I grew a little. I met people and they told me that they hate white people. They spoke with such a passion that I appeared ignorant for not sharing the same opinion.
Hate is a very strong word, yet it has been used many times to adress people, without repentance. By now I had done some reading and learning and knew about the monster called Apartheid. I heard about how black and white people hated each other. I heard that the white people killed the black people inside, and the black people killed the white people outside. I also heard that the white people did more killing because they had better weapons. They used black and white tvs, radios, education, words and guns. The black people could not afford these weapons, their mouths were sealed and their cries were muffled. So they became very angry because the fight was not fair. The white people won. That was not the end though, some angel came and took the trophy from the white people and gave it to the black people, saying, "The white people cheated, you deserve the trophy."

In case you do not yet realise it, this is a very complicated matter. The white people won, and the black people have the trophy. Some of them cheered for the trophy, but many of them did not cheer, the weapons of the white people were still coming at them. The trophy was tainted, it made some people feel better, but it did not stop the bullets from coming at them. The wise black people then continued fighting, they also prayed. They wanted to stop the white people from firing bullets against them, and finally the white people stopped. Now this is where we are right now. No one is firing any bullets against anyone. Education, media, power and even the dangerous weapons, are available to all who want them.

Now the black people are healing their wounds and going through the process of forgiving the white people. Now the white people are saying "I'm sorry" some are saying "I was an idiot, forgive me." They are sorry, but they are not healing any wounds. While the black people are healing, the white people are moving forward, they have land, they have trusts for their children, they go overseas for holidays, they have confidence. Black people are still healing but the land is all gone. The little that is left costs a lot of money, we celebrate when you buy a flat. They are afraid, so afraid they can't move. No yet.

What must happen now? Everybody knows. Everybody has the solution; the white people must give us what they have. I almost laughed when I heard this. Of course, it came from sophisticated lips, said with eloquence and academic precision. I will not say it like I heard it, because you might not understand the meaning. That is what the black people want now. And sadly, it is not going to happen, not unless SA aspires to be like Zimbabwe at present. Now we have to think. Now we have to be smart, and some black people are managing to do that, but many are becoming selfish you see. They have done the right thing, taken responsibility for their own lives, embraced what they can't change and associate with what can lift them even if its just a little bit, yet they use their influence to fuel anger within the black people. They are sitting in their mansions with their children dating white boys, writing on facebook, "Racisim is still here, lets not pretend that its over. White people have ripped us of all we had and we are just letting them get away with it!" Yes, they say that, I just watch and shake my head (SMH). I listen to the less learned agreeing with a violent nod, while sitting down on coke crates, doing nothing.

I see these things, and I question myself, what is my stand? What Can I do to change the mindset of the black people for the better? I don't know many things, but I know that if we can see a little clearer, and be a bit more focused, adjust our mindsets for takeoff, action, progress, hard work, focus, future, then we can all be happy. Now my feelings for white people are insignificant. Some I admire, some I am not so fond of. Now my right thinking is restored, after seeing all these things and hearing all, I say that I love people who think big. I admire black people who have broken the boundaries and are enlightening others by giving them the right information that will also free them, rather than fueling anger and resentment. It does not help anyone.

Something Just Kicked!

Before you have children, every little tummy ache is a scare to your husband! When you sneeze he asks, "Is everything fine there?" It's so funny, sometimes you forget of all the multiple precautions you are using and join in on the suspicion that you might be pregnant! I'm enjoying being a young wife and laughing at all the silliness of learning new things, making some mistakes and working through them together. Finally I own the kitchen! - and I'm abusing myself (just a little) by going all out on my meals even when I am exhausted from work and loaded with assignments. I can't imagine my life being any other way. I look forward to being done with school and having more time for my family.

Black Goat For Dinner

I wrote this short story about a young lady who had to make a difficult choice between the 'new' faith, Christianity and the faith she was born into and raised by, Ancestral Worship. Tough choice to make for someone who has read and heard about the way the missionaries looked down on and exploited Africans though they claimed that they brought the gospel to them. And even tougher when she thinks about the horrid things she must do in order to please the ever demanding ancestors. Torn between family and faith, the young woman makes new discoveries about herself. I'd post it here but it's too long.

At Church

That's me in the bright dress (whatever colour that is) praising God at church, Dominion Family Church, in Melville. God has been good! During the sermon I have this serious look on my face, with this little crease on my fece that I don't like (I got it from my mum). Frowning scares people away, so thankfully I always iron it out when I remember;)

Cries From The Mothers

I hear cries of victims from modern day racism in South Africa. They are shouting at the top of their voices for the world to hear, but today is much unlike yesterday. Today, no one will help them, except the one who says, "train your child in the way of the Lord, so that when he is grown, he will not depart from it". That is the only help for the slave. Unslave your child, don't fill them with words of bitterness and anger, teach them boldness and confidence. Love them and give them the best. Be wise. And when they are grown, they will access far more opportunities and resources than you, they will draw the attention and admiration of the 'others', because they were taught better. Because you taught them in the way of the Lord, not religion, not polotiki, and not pretentious equality. If you want to know what this way of the Lord is, search your bible.

There redemption was made available to all, and the redeemed were causing havoc in the world. They did not fight yet they were men and women that the world still refers to up till now. We draw wisdom from them, people of all colours respect them, because they knew who they were, and they were in Christ, and Christ in them.

May God...

May the good Lord's light shine upon you. May you be an eternal recipient of God's grace and mercy. May you always be filled with praises to the Lord our God. May you know Him, He is LOVE. May you never be short of Him (LOVE) in your life. May you flourish as you drink the Word of life daily. May the Word continue to change you, to strengthen you, to mature you and to direct you. The Bright Morning Star is in you, how can you not shine?

Welcome To My Home

My home is not an art gallery, where we invite people to marvel at the tasteful objects haughtily displayed with a 'Do Not Touch" sign attached to them. My home is where love abides; what we have we want to share and we take pleasure in knowing that God alone is our source. We love and we are loved.

Whats In My Heart Right Now...

Fight the good fight of faith. Faith Fight. Confess what you believe. Do as you expect. Expect without failing. If the bible is your foundation, you are standing right, or rather you are in right standing. Again I say, that when you are born again, you become a son of God and nothing in this life beats that! I pray that you may all receive Jesus as your personal lord and savior. I pray that you may have an intimate relationship with Him and receive Holy Spirit into your lives. Holy Spirit is the friend you always dreamed of; He gives the best counsel, he never condemns you, he never leaves you, he knows exactly how to comfort you when you need comfort, and he tells you things to come so that you can be ready and strong. Holy Spirit will never shout at you or laugh at you when you make a mistake. You will never see Him, but His being in your life will be evident to you and those around you.

God

The more I get to know you, the more I realise that there is more to know about you. God.

I FORGIVE

I know you, I say

I molded that flesh in which you stay.

Though I breathed my own spirit into you,

I was there when you got betrayed by the fool.

And even though I came down, and went even deeper,

I rose again, and lifted you from being a mere sinner.

I restored you, redeemed you to myself,

I knew it won’t be easy, so I sent you a Help.

My Word tells you my child,

That there will be need to renew your mind.

Didn’t it also say,

Come boldly before the throne of grace,

That you may obtain mercy?

Shall I have mercy on you,

If you were perfect like me?

Be not ashamed,

But repent and take my hand.

I am always here for you,

And you will always have need of me.

Cry not, my dearest,

For though I was grieved,

I can never my love not give.

Ask, and I will forgive you,

And I will give you my peace.

God Is The King of Glory

I realize more and more that the more people try to sabotage you, the more God's power becomes evident in your life. I had nothing to my name, not even that special thing that makes people love you for no reason, so I took hold of God and claimed Him as my own. No one hated me then, they just didn't notice me, but when God became a part of my life, I began to glow and become lovable, I also began to have people who want me destroyed because they can't stand to see God's glory upon my life. Now I understand why they behave so, they see the riches in His glory around me. Now they can't ignore me, it's either they are drawn to the light, or like darkness they flee from the light. Isn't it amazing how people begin to sense your lifting before it even manifests in your life? God is the king of glory. If you want to shine, seek God.

Down the Valley

I thank God for allowing me to wander off into the valley of the shadow of death, I learnt who my friends are, and they were far fewer than it appeared.

Calling All Teachers!

A teacher must love to educate, to enlighten others and add value to their lives. A teacher must be to the child, a mentor. A teacher must be willing to teach even if it cost them something. A teacher knows how important their words are to the child. A teacher invests extra time in their students to help them do better. A teacher is not partial. A teacher builds confidence in his students. A teacher is a lover. A teacher gets their reward from the hearts of every student they teach. A teacher is a gift, loved and respected by the child. A teacher is a mother/father to all. We need teachers in Africa.

YOUR FIRE

I wonder why it can be difficult for some people to write about their passions. They go in circles writing a lot about things that don't move them meanwhile issues are burning in their hearts for a release. Does it have anything to do with fear? Lack of confidence? Or is it about timing? The truth is that the one thing that will make you shine above all this is your passion. As a writer, you can be skilled at writing in various styles, and get somewhere with it, but your fire is what will draw greatness to you. It is the light that the world can't miss and if I were you I would start lighting up that fire and sharing it with all mankind. What have you got to lose?

LET JESUS IN

You might be thinking that no one sees you,

    You try much as possible to be invisible,

    To say nothing cos you feel it isn’t sensible,

Shame has made you ugly; there is nothing you can do.

You talk to yourself and imagine wicked things,

    An outcast, you turn to evil pleasures,

    Your loneliness cannot be measured,

Your life is suicide, rising on cocaine wings.

Who told you this is the end?

    They might have been revolted by your presence,

    And said there is no way for you in the heavens,

But Jesus is here for you as a friend.

When you see yourself as dirty,

    He wants you to come to him; and he will cleanse you,

    For you, everything he will do,

Because God sees you as worthy.

I am talking to you, enslaved being,

    You sold your soul, finding no worth in it,

    And now await your flesh to lose heat,

Do not lose hope, find strength in Him.

Jesus knows how empty you feel,

    He wants you to accept his love and receive life,

    He bought back your soul and will clean you white,

Take hold of his hand, he will set you free.

His love is the greatest

And he wants to share it with you

Don’t be afraid of him

He has nothing but love to give.