The Lowly

This morning I saw two homeless young men sleeping by the doorway to my workplace (which is in a corner). I thought well and hard about how I was going to get them to leave as I was crossing the road and slowly walking towards them. I thought about the different positions and approaches I could take and which was best. Was I going to be the offended strict madam, was I going to be the terrified vulnerable woman who was scared of hobos or was I going to be the person that I am talking to fellow human beings?

Well, it's always easiest to be yourself, so I went for the easiest way out, but I still had to be firm and make sure they take me seriously. It was the first time I ever faced such a situation, and for me it touched something inside. I walked up to them and woke them up by tapping on my security door with my key. They uncovered their heads and I plainly and firmly told them to get off my way. They quickly obliged and shuffled out of sight, then I unlocked my door and went in. The smell of the homeless followed me in. It was a pungent smell of filth and shame and I couldn't wait to have it wear off as I went deeper into the building.

I though about the two guys for some time, how they ended up there and if they had a great future ahead of them. I though, 'if they have a future to look forward to, how are they going to get there?' Obviously it would not merely be through an endless supply of R5 coins for them to but cigarettes. It would take one powerful encounter with God. No man can attempt to change those lives, they would get exhausted before they even succeed because what they need more than a new pair of clothes and a bar of soap is a flick of hope. What they need is to see a new picture and to experience God's unfailing love. I also thought how unfortunate it is that as much as we know that we are God's vessels here on earth, many of us still remain reluctant to allow God to work through us, we forget that God loves the homeless as well as he loves the priest.

This is not an easy confrontation for me, but I am glad it happened because it has me thinking of how I can allow God to use me to impact the lives of the most unlovable people around me. I am now on a quest to discover ways of changing lives. By God's grace my zeal will not wear off and by God's grace something will come out of the encounter I had this morning. I will keep you posted and hope that if I need more hands, I will find them in you.

Lots of love,

TS

I wish I could share something special with you all but today I'm one that needs cheering up. I had my wisdom tooth removed yesterday, I was so scared because I'm afraid of injections and cuts, and those dentistry tools are not encouraging at all. The process went pretty well, though the dentist struggled to remove my tooth, she said my teeth really love me, and though I didn't feel any pain during the procedure, I could hear her struggling with the tooth and I felt the pulling. I don't know if it was because she is a small lady, or if my tooth was really just being difficult, but the struggle almost got me worried. I prayed throughout mainly for myself not to feel any pain and for the doctor not to say there are complications.

And guess what? My root was curved and was causing the difficulty abut she finally managed to pull it out. She later mentioned that I would have really needed to remove it surgically but she was trying to avoid that. She told me I need to do three fillings, so I have to get back to that horrific room.

Today, well I have not taken painkillers today, so the pain is almost unbearable. I am just so afraid of painkillers, I bought capsules but they are so big that they get stuck somewhere and make me feel nauseous and that adds to the discomfort. I know I should be taking them but ooh, how scared I am of pills. I might be sounding like a big baby right now but that's me. Needles and pills get me sweating and shaking at the same time. I am having Mageu right now, I dined on Yogi Sip and felt hungry in the early morning, I am craving Chicken 'Licken hot wings, but I was advised to avoid spicy food, hot things, solid food until I get better. I understand why; my throat is also suffering for my lack of self control where chocolate is concerned (my wisdom tooth was decayed right to the root). So swallowing is a mission, opening my jaw wide is torture, I just wish for this day to end.

All of this would have been better if I could have my husband's full attention but unfortunately it's happening at the worst of times. He is doing some serious multitasking at the moment, much is required from him and he has to deliver, for both our sake. He can only look at me in that way that only he does, and say "sorry, it will all be over soon". I miss my mother, she would be fussing right now, making sure I get better asap while also shouting at the others to get this or that done. Talking about it helps :)

A Short One

Lord, teach me to alwyas be thanksful to you for everything and in all things. Give me the grace to love the unlovable and to remain humble as You lift me. Guide my tongue that I may never curse but always bless and bring life to situations with my tongue. Lord, correct me and continue to tell me the things I do which displease you, by your grace, I know I will overcome them. You are a loving Father and I know that even in your correction, I will see your love. Thank you for loving me and believing in me.

Your precious daughter,
Always seeking to please you,
Sometimes failing but never giving up

T Shongwe

My Farmhouse & Cave

I used to feel bad for not having ambitions like my friends. I wanted to do well in life and to have a beautiful home but no matter how hard I tried, the picture of myself in a pencil skirt with a corner office at the 12th floor just never seemed true. I did at some times have that picture but my gut told me I was deceiving myself.

I have read somewhere that as people grow older they become more sure of themselves, that women in their thirties are more confident and sure. Obviously, the average woman by the time she is thirty has stabilised in her career, has a husband or "lifetime partner", maybe even a child or a couple of children. These things mean that one is no longer wondering what their life will be like, they are already living their life. I am not yet in my thirties but have grown to have that peace within me that these thirty something women are said to have. I stopped creating images in me that do not match with who I am and what God has called me to do, and that is what gave me peace. I am now in love with the true picture: not a pencil skirt but pants and a blazer; a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, and other details of this true picture which definitely will not be an office on the 12th floor. It's beautiful but it's not me. My office is not just beautiful, it's peaceful, fresh and stimulating. It reflects the person I am; unpretentious, loving, warm and simply elegant.

Discovering this about my nature really gave me great joy. That I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a lover, a friend and my office must reflect these dear things about me. For me these are not just roles I play, I serve the community not as one serving the 'poor little things' but as a mother doing what is expected of her by her children in the community. I talk to women as sisters, and not as a learned one shedding light and hoping they can understand what 'these things mean'.

That is my portion and I love to know it and live it. And if you are wondering where the big farmhouse will come from with such a profitless passion, wonder no more. The profit is plenty here, not financially but I consider being fulfilled as priceless profit, God will add all these things unto me. I trust Him.

Just Remembering

I once met this young lady in the taxi, she was young, coloured, pretty and colourful. I was on my way to work, and she was on her way to school, she said. She was painting her nails on the taxi and that's how we got talking, I just had to ask her if she was meeting someone special, because she was prepared to endure doing such a hard job in the discomfort of an unstable taxi. So we spoke a little and she asked me what I do. I'm a PA I said to her. She said but I look familiar, she said she thought I look like an editor of a magazine or something. I said well I'm happy to hear that because someday I will be an editor of some magazine. She smiled and said all the best, you'd make a good one. I smiled back and said you'd make a great lawyer. She said when she finishes school she would like to become a lawyer. She ws not in uniform though she said she was going to school, so if it was not 'civies day' that day when you can come wearing your best outfit, then she was bunking school. I thought to myself. I will never forget that little encounter. The young lady who thought I was an editor, and thought right.

Moon

And when the moon is afloat so peacefully in the dark sky, we wonder at its silence, its quiet majesty, and even when we ask, it sends no reply.

For the Lovers Out There

As you know, except you are really self-obsessed and demented you cannot attempt to count ALL the good deeds you do for others. That's becaue you are doing them because you see a need and happen to be able to help and you are simply being human. We are born with compassion, although the levels of compassion vary greatly, helping someone is generally not a difficult thing for an average person, or rather lets focus on believers since we most certainly have adopted the love nature of God in us.

But I have come to realise that as we get busier and have bigger dreams for ourselves, we tend to have less time to serve others, and even less resources to spare for others, so we end up being so busy doing this and that, and all we can offer is "Aaah, sorry dear, I wish I could help but...". We sincerely have things to do, a new rug to buy, lunch with friends, or we have to work and if not work it's church, if not church it's a management course etc. Everyone has become so busy now that if someone is not busy, we wonder what could be wrong with them.

It's a good thing to be busy but it's even better if in our busyness we are also busy making time for others. I am talking about the others whom we (appear to) have nothing to benefit from; pausing for a moment to sincerely listen to them and encouraging them, getting into Ackermans to buy the homeless guy who parks your car a jersey for winter. It actually does not take much from you but it gives you so much joy and no matter how unfavourable your day might be, thinking about that act of kindness will definitely put a smile on your face.

God bless you my friend.

You Can't Change Him

Lean not on your own understanding. You may think that there's no way God can love you, and you base that thought on the fact that you have done some terrible things in your life and you still do some things that you know wouldn't please Him. He does love you, God is love and there is nothing you can do that will remove His love from you. Your actions can't change who God is, nothing can, so find comfort in knowing that you are loved.

HE AND I

I love to sing him songs

And whisper in his ear

He loves the sound of my voice

He truly holds me dear

I love it when he talks

I love it when he moves

I love to see him work

And watch him in his gear

When we meet we never part

When we talk we share our heart

And when I feed him royal songs

He bathes me in his beautiful love.

He is not afraid of me

I am not afraid of him

He knew me from fore I was

I knew him from when he is

Our flesh mingles

Our spirit one
Inseparable
He and I