The Lowly

This morning I saw two homeless young men sleeping by the doorway to my workplace (which is in a corner). I thought well and hard about how I was going to get them to leave as I was crossing the road and slowly walking towards them. I thought about the different positions and approaches I could take and which was best. Was I going to be the offended strict madam, was I going to be the terrified vulnerable woman who was scared of hobos or was I going to be the person that I am talking to fellow human beings?

Well, it's always easiest to be yourself, so I went for the easiest way out, but I still had to be firm and make sure they take me seriously. It was the first time I ever faced such a situation, and for me it touched something inside. I walked up to them and woke them up by tapping on my security door with my key. They uncovered their heads and I plainly and firmly told them to get off my way. They quickly obliged and shuffled out of sight, then I unlocked my door and went in. The smell of the homeless followed me in. It was a pungent smell of filth and shame and I couldn't wait to have it wear off as I went deeper into the building.

I though about the two guys for some time, how they ended up there and if they had a great future ahead of them. I though, 'if they have a future to look forward to, how are they going to get there?' Obviously it would not merely be through an endless supply of R5 coins for them to but cigarettes. It would take one powerful encounter with God. No man can attempt to change those lives, they would get exhausted before they even succeed because what they need more than a new pair of clothes and a bar of soap is a flick of hope. What they need is to see a new picture and to experience God's unfailing love. I also thought how unfortunate it is that as much as we know that we are God's vessels here on earth, many of us still remain reluctant to allow God to work through us, we forget that God loves the homeless as well as he loves the priest.

This is not an easy confrontation for me, but I am glad it happened because it has me thinking of how I can allow God to use me to impact the lives of the most unlovable people around me. I am now on a quest to discover ways of changing lives. By God's grace my zeal will not wear off and by God's grace something will come out of the encounter I had this morning. I will keep you posted and hope that if I need more hands, I will find them in you.

Lots of love,

TS

I wish I could share something special with you all but today I'm one that needs cheering up. I had my wisdom tooth removed yesterday, I was so scared because I'm afraid of injections and cuts, and those dentistry tools are not encouraging at all. The process went pretty well, though the dentist struggled to remove my tooth, she said my teeth really love me, and though I didn't feel any pain during the procedure, I could hear her struggling with the tooth and I felt the pulling. I don't know if it was because she is a small lady, or if my tooth was really just being difficult, but the struggle almost got me worried. I prayed throughout mainly for myself not to feel any pain and for the doctor not to say there are complications.

And guess what? My root was curved and was causing the difficulty abut she finally managed to pull it out. She later mentioned that I would have really needed to remove it surgically but she was trying to avoid that. She told me I need to do three fillings, so I have to get back to that horrific room.

Today, well I have not taken painkillers today, so the pain is almost unbearable. I am just so afraid of painkillers, I bought capsules but they are so big that they get stuck somewhere and make me feel nauseous and that adds to the discomfort. I know I should be taking them but ooh, how scared I am of pills. I might be sounding like a big baby right now but that's me. Needles and pills get me sweating and shaking at the same time. I am having Mageu right now, I dined on Yogi Sip and felt hungry in the early morning, I am craving Chicken 'Licken hot wings, but I was advised to avoid spicy food, hot things, solid food until I get better. I understand why; my throat is also suffering for my lack of self control where chocolate is concerned (my wisdom tooth was decayed right to the root). So swallowing is a mission, opening my jaw wide is torture, I just wish for this day to end.

All of this would have been better if I could have my husband's full attention but unfortunately it's happening at the worst of times. He is doing some serious multitasking at the moment, much is required from him and he has to deliver, for both our sake. He can only look at me in that way that only he does, and say "sorry, it will all be over soon". I miss my mother, she would be fussing right now, making sure I get better asap while also shouting at the others to get this or that done. Talking about it helps :)

A Short One

Lord, teach me to alwyas be thanksful to you for everything and in all things. Give me the grace to love the unlovable and to remain humble as You lift me. Guide my tongue that I may never curse but always bless and bring life to situations with my tongue. Lord, correct me and continue to tell me the things I do which displease you, by your grace, I know I will overcome them. You are a loving Father and I know that even in your correction, I will see your love. Thank you for loving me and believing in me.

Your precious daughter,
Always seeking to please you,
Sometimes failing but never giving up

T Shongwe

My Farmhouse & Cave

I used to feel bad for not having ambitions like my friends. I wanted to do well in life and to have a beautiful home but no matter how hard I tried, the picture of myself in a pencil skirt with a corner office at the 12th floor just never seemed true. I did at some times have that picture but my gut told me I was deceiving myself.

I have read somewhere that as people grow older they become more sure of themselves, that women in their thirties are more confident and sure. Obviously, the average woman by the time she is thirty has stabilised in her career, has a husband or "lifetime partner", maybe even a child or a couple of children. These things mean that one is no longer wondering what their life will be like, they are already living their life. I am not yet in my thirties but have grown to have that peace within me that these thirty something women are said to have. I stopped creating images in me that do not match with who I am and what God has called me to do, and that is what gave me peace. I am now in love with the true picture: not a pencil skirt but pants and a blazer; a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, and other details of this true picture which definitely will not be an office on the 12th floor. It's beautiful but it's not me. My office is not just beautiful, it's peaceful, fresh and stimulating. It reflects the person I am; unpretentious, loving, warm and simply elegant.

Discovering this about my nature really gave me great joy. That I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a lover, a friend and my office must reflect these dear things about me. For me these are not just roles I play, I serve the community not as one serving the 'poor little things' but as a mother doing what is expected of her by her children in the community. I talk to women as sisters, and not as a learned one shedding light and hoping they can understand what 'these things mean'.

That is my portion and I love to know it and live it. And if you are wondering where the big farmhouse will come from with such a profitless passion, wonder no more. The profit is plenty here, not financially but I consider being fulfilled as priceless profit, God will add all these things unto me. I trust Him.

Just Remembering

I once met this young lady in the taxi, she was young, coloured, pretty and colourful. I was on my way to work, and she was on her way to school, she said. She was painting her nails on the taxi and that's how we got talking, I just had to ask her if she was meeting someone special, because she was prepared to endure doing such a hard job in the discomfort of an unstable taxi. So we spoke a little and she asked me what I do. I'm a PA I said to her. She said but I look familiar, she said she thought I look like an editor of a magazine or something. I said well I'm happy to hear that because someday I will be an editor of some magazine. She smiled and said all the best, you'd make a good one. I smiled back and said you'd make a great lawyer. She said when she finishes school she would like to become a lawyer. She ws not in uniform though she said she was going to school, so if it was not 'civies day' that day when you can come wearing your best outfit, then she was bunking school. I thought to myself. I will never forget that little encounter. The young lady who thought I was an editor, and thought right.

Moon

And when the moon is afloat so peacefully in the dark sky, we wonder at its silence, its quiet majesty, and even when we ask, it sends no reply.

For the Lovers Out There

As you know, except you are really self-obsessed and demented you cannot attempt to count ALL the good deeds you do for others. That's becaue you are doing them because you see a need and happen to be able to help and you are simply being human. We are born with compassion, although the levels of compassion vary greatly, helping someone is generally not a difficult thing for an average person, or rather lets focus on believers since we most certainly have adopted the love nature of God in us.

But I have come to realise that as we get busier and have bigger dreams for ourselves, we tend to have less time to serve others, and even less resources to spare for others, so we end up being so busy doing this and that, and all we can offer is "Aaah, sorry dear, I wish I could help but...". We sincerely have things to do, a new rug to buy, lunch with friends, or we have to work and if not work it's church, if not church it's a management course etc. Everyone has become so busy now that if someone is not busy, we wonder what could be wrong with them.

It's a good thing to be busy but it's even better if in our busyness we are also busy making time for others. I am talking about the others whom we (appear to) have nothing to benefit from; pausing for a moment to sincerely listen to them and encouraging them, getting into Ackermans to buy the homeless guy who parks your car a jersey for winter. It actually does not take much from you but it gives you so much joy and no matter how unfavourable your day might be, thinking about that act of kindness will definitely put a smile on your face.

God bless you my friend.

You Can't Change Him

Lean not on your own understanding. You may think that there's no way God can love you, and you base that thought on the fact that you have done some terrible things in your life and you still do some things that you know wouldn't please Him. He does love you, God is love and there is nothing you can do that will remove His love from you. Your actions can't change who God is, nothing can, so find comfort in knowing that you are loved.

HE AND I

I love to sing him songs

And whisper in his ear

He loves the sound of my voice

He truly holds me dear

I love it when he talks

I love it when he moves

I love to see him work

And watch him in his gear

When we meet we never part

When we talk we share our heart

And when I feed him royal songs

He bathes me in his beautiful love.

He is not afraid of me

I am not afraid of him

He knew me from fore I was

I knew him from when he is

Our flesh mingles

Our spirit one
Inseparable
He and I

The Woman I Admire

The woman I admire, She is not an academic,
Not even a humanitarian or celebrity
She goes to work in the morning and comes home late sometimes
Back to her quiet house to watch tv.
I never said she was perfect,
Who in this world is anyway,
She just has something about her,
A certain...strength of character
Well, she's like a teabag
That's been dipped in hot water
Not once or twice, several times
It takes a strong flavour to still be going strong
After all that dipping
It takes a strong woman
And that she is
And for that she will get her reward
Rest, peace, love, joy,
And whatever good thing you can think of
She will taste the milk and honey
That flows from the land
In this very land of the living
A flower.

Something to read: The Great Gatsby

I look forward to watching The Great Gatsby, the movie. I enjoyed the book by  F. Scott Fitzgerald as it was not the usual novel with a 'moral' at the end. Just some good old action and suspense, and a rather unfair ending too! I'd fill you in but I'm not the best book reviewer around, it feels like schoolwork to me ;). If you haven't read it, get it or borrow it from the library and start reading, even if you don't like reading, just give it a try and tell me how you find it. I bet you'll love it!

The Woman In The Taxi

This world is full of such amazing people, I just can't help but be joyful each day as I meet interesting people, even if for a brief moment. Today in the taxi a woman sat next to me, she must be in her late forties, but she was in school uniform, wearing a jacket over it so I never even noticed until much later. She started talking to me, as these older women like to do in taxis. We drove past a building with a AVBOB sign and she asked me if I have ever been there, pointing to the building. I said no, and she said, "Sho! It's where they cremate people. You'll hear a crackling sound, then another one, as the bones burn to ashes, then a final loud crack!" and she went on, "They only allow family there."

She was sipping on a can of coke with a straw, quite like a child would. And I responded with a little shock and interest in her more than her story. Was she telling me that she had lost someone in her family? Well, then it's good of her to use such opportunities to talk about it, strangers are less critical, I thought to myself. She continued to tell me that she was from school, a total diversion and a very random one. That's what I enjoyed about my brief experience of meeting this woman whose name I do not know. She uncovered her jacket to show me that she was wearing uniform. It was the usual check skirt, green, with a white shirt and a deep green tie. I was like, wow, that's great! I really meant it. So she told me her younger brother had gone to the same school, and even her uncle and aunt and cousins. She was really proud of the school that she even told me it's name. I forgot it. For me the name was not important, she was the most important person at that moment, the most interesting and amazing person. I smiled and she said, "Yes! I go to school!" with such pride that I just couldn't help but love her. Then a bit of silence, and she went on, based on my accent from our previous conversation, "Where are you from?"

I said Botswana. And with the most adorable expression of surprise or shock she said, "Where in Botswana?" I said Gaborone. "Yho! You look like my relatives, my uncle's children. What's your name? I told her and she told me their surname, hoping I might say I know them and we are related. Ah, time up, I had to get off the taxi.

I thought about her for a very long time. I wondered about her school, about her relatives in Botswana, and about her relative who got cremated. My thoughts from that moment were somehow linked to the encounter I had with her, and I was happy. So maybe after sharing this experience with you I will move on to other thoughts :)

Between Here and There

At the border gate, Death on the other side, and me, in no-man's-land. It seems harder to catch my breath; it slips out easily and comes back in with a painful effort. It is life isn't it? Easily lost to waste, and with difficulty brought back to order. Well, that is me before it ended.

I lie there in a pool of my own substance, thick and fluid at the same time, like custard powder, like lead. The deep colour clings to my clothes and makes me feel sticky and dirty. I shouldn't touch it, I know better than that! I knew better when I was younger, but now that I am grown this thing called purpose possesses me and I live for it, and now die for it, if indeed I die. It's the fault of this adult thing that I lie in my own... I can't stand that word, not when it is outside the body. I lie in my own deep colour. I can't tell if it's maroon or black, it is ugly. If you have seen things in this life you will know what I mean.

The shooting continues from a distance and I am not afraid. I lie there like a hero, seeming to give up but determined to live. And living becomes harder as I take each excruciating breath. The blood, oh how I shiver at the thought, it oozes out of a hole in my stomach, and more in my eye. The pain is not unbearable, it is beyond that, it is now necessary; the less I feel pain, the more I am certain that I am slipping away. And I cannot, not just yet.
I take a deep breath occasionally to force that life inside me, to feel pain and be hopeful. And now it slips out mockingly, all I  feel is cold and hot at the same time. Such a strange thing it is to die, to see your mind becoming nearly blank, and your emotions almost irrelevant. To see everything slip away into nothingness.

I hear voices over me, they seem happy with the battle, they are going to win and fulfill purpose. And my husband stands there smiling, and I want to be there for him but now I am tempted to release all and follow the peace and quiet. He needs me at that point more than I him. I take that deep breath, like gulping down pain, and try to hold it in. More pain. I release and repeat with shorter intervals until I gain the courage to turn my head slightly.

"She just moved!"

That's my husband with a panic in his voice.

But, I thought I saw him smile. Now he moves around frantically not knowing what to touch and what to leave alone. Now he begins to pray in the spirit but it's as though he is saying to me, "Wake up, you are not dead. Receive the strength of the Lord Jesus, receive it now! Get up young woman, the battle is not over yet, you are needed on the battlefield."

That's what I hear, so I try to smile. I know I have to endure the pain, it is not yet time to slip away to the other side. So instead I wake up, I uncover my head from the deprived blanket, and open my eyes to see my husband standing over me.

"Wake up Ms T" He says with a smile.

Brrrr....

It's hard to wake up in the morning in winter, but nothing beats knowing that you have maximised your day and owe it nothing. As you have heard before, 'time waits for no man', so let's get working ladies and gentlemen... you will get your reward in due season!

Attracting Opportunities

So things are not so great now, you are not where you though you'd be and everyone else around you seems to be progressing but you. Well, your noticing that is a sign that the pity party must end now. Enough of comparing yourself with others, enough of complaining, it's now time to take matters into your own hands and do whatever it takes to get yourself out of the situation you are in.

Always remember, there is no such thing as luck. You are responsible for creating opportunities for yourself, or rather for attracting opportunities and for your own progress. And how exactly do you do that? The first thing is to realise that you are in control. No one has a remote control over your life, not even God. God has done his part, he has put in you all that you need to excel in your life and prosper. You are the one in control of your life.

The second thing is to realise that your thoughts are not insignificant; in fact it is your thoughts that have directed your vocabulary and actions to keep you where you are now, an it is your thoughts that can get you out. That means that if you can expose yourself to great things, read and listen to people that inspire you and change your negative thought pattern to a positive, 'I can do all things' kind of attitude, you will begin to first of all feel better, have a better picture of yourself and your future, and you will begin to confess good things about where you want to be.

This tongue might be small but the bible makes us aware that the power of life and death lies in the tongue. You can kill your own destiny with your tongue, and you can bring life to dead situations and dead dreams with your tongue. It is up to you how you choose to use your tongue; whether for you or against you. You might have heard about positive speaking and thought, it is just motivational speakers trying to psyche people up. Well let me tell you that it is not psyche, it is a principle from the bible which always works. Add actions to your confessions and see just how much in control you are.

To test this, you can refuse to change your thoughts, speech and actions, and you will notice that you will not progress. Then try changing your thoughts, start speaking positively about your life and your future, and start taking actions towards developing yourself as a person (it could be reading, doing a course, going back to the gym, nurturing your gift, praying), see how you begin to feel more refreshed and inspired, how you feel more alive and how much more in control you become. That is the perfect environment opportunities are attracted to, so keep doing what you can and being expectant and see how much better your life becomes!

Talk to Him

If God is your father, you don't need to always be so formal with him. Sometime just share your hopes and dreams with him, he is always ready to listen to you and loves it when you talk to him, but instead, we love to go around sharing our thoughts with people who couldn't care less. God loves the sound of your voice and when you talk to him he really appreciates it. Tell him, "Father (Dad/Papa/Daddy/Baba etc.), I am really excited about my son's first day at school, I look forward to the days when we will take him around the world for his school vacations, and... I look forward to the future Father, and it makes me so glad to know that not only are you a part of my future, but you have great plans for me!" How sweet that sounds to God's ear. He's not always waiting to hear you say "Oh God, when you increase me I will build a hospital in the village!" No, he knows your heart, many say that to bribe him and he can't even trust them with the little they have. Be sincere and develop a love relationship with God.
When you learn to talk to God like that, you will see how much more real he becomes to you and how much less you begin to rely on human approval. He loves you too much to ignore you, give it a try and tell me how it goes!

Read on...

God says that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Is it because he loves me more than you? No. God loves us the same but we need to discover what He is saying for ourselves. When you read the bible, you will realise that anyone can be saved and become His child. And once you are His child, not only does He love you (for he loves all his creation) but you will begin to have direct access to Him and His word will become alive to you.

Many people read the bible but find it confusing, it is because there is the revelation dimension that they do not have access to. When you are born again, your eyes are opened to the depth of God's word and you will begin  to see what God is saying concerning your life. God will begin to speak to you through His word and your relationship with Him will give you a supernatural confidence that cannot be attained otherwise; the kind of confidence that enables you to make bold declarations even when things seem to be falling apart. This kind of boldness makes people wonder how you can be at peace in the midst a drought, but you know that you are holding on to God's promises and you have faith in Him that He can never fail you.

These are things that are revealed to you personally when you seek God. No one can convince you of these things, conviction comes through your meditating on God's word until you get a revelation of how it applies to your own life. So my friend, dare to believe in Jesus and experience God for yourself!

If you would like to know more about salvation or being born again, check out these scriptures and you will realise how easy it is: Romans 3:23, Romans 6:23, John 1:12, Ephesians 2:8-9, Romans 10:9-10, John 3:17, Acts 16:30-31. Go through these and read further if you can and you will understand what salvation is about and hopefully you will make the decision to be saved. These are only a few out of many scriptures that you can read on being saved, search for the others and continue to expose yourself to the word of God, because even when you are saved, you need it to renew your mind and adopt God's view of yourself over your own.

Lots and lots of love, T.

Africa Day

I celebrate Africa Day this week by appreciating African writers like Wole Soyinka, Es'kia Mphahlele, Bessie Head, Ngugi Wa Thiong'o, Nadine Gordimer and so forth. These writers for me add to the flavour of Africa, they season our rich culture which differs as tribes differ and yet is so much alike. How else would we have had a taste of the Yoruba culture, the rural South Africa and the beautiful traditions of our fellow Africans? How else? Television refuses to display the heart of the African warrior and the sacrifices he made for his people, it does not send across the scent of the rich Kenyan cuisine, it doesn't even try, but literature has brought us closer to the heart of our beautiful continent. If you want to know your fellow brothers and sisters a little more, experience African literature and allow yourself to be carried into a world of passion, battles, victories and love.

Walk The Talk

Sometimes we confess scriptures but refuse to live by them. We know that God rewards those that diligently seek after Him and we keep confessing it but we refuse to get on our knees and pray, we refuse to seek Him in his Word and know Him better. I have been a culprit to that for a long time but the day came when I decided that I am tired of mediocrity. Average is not cool, it is even worse than having nothing because one tends to get comfortable and deceive themselves in thinking they have their basic needs covered. It is not so; excellence is a basic need for a believer and if we have not yet attained it we must continue to strive for it and become what God intended for us to become. As my pastor once told me, "Pray hard and work hard".

28 April At Mpumalanga

Tswana meets Swati at Shongwe, Schoemansdal. What better to highlight a visit than Swati traditional dancers, music, laughter and food! I had a great time with my newest family and my ancient family. I was initiated into womanhood the Swati way, and I must say, it aint for girls, you gotta be a woman to handle it!