On This First Wedding Anniversary

Going to the chapel and we're gonna get maa-rried, going to the chapel and we're gonna get maa-rried.....

That was my song exactly a year ago. It was an exciting time, though my mind was too much in the moment to actually feel the busyness. This time last year I was getting my makeup done and having a nervous chat with my friends and sisters in my room. What beautiful memories these are, and many thanks to God that on that day, I also looked forward to making love to my husband for the first time. I say thanks to God because hubby and I are both normal young adults with raging hormones so for us to wait for our wedding night was purely by grace. Was it worth it? 100%. Our wedding day didn't just mean "making things official", it meant sealing a covenant before God, spending the night together for the first time, and getting down for the first time! There were so many firsts that came with our marriage that the memory just brings tears to my eyes.

I got to experience marriage the way God intended. I do not take it lightly and every now and then my husband and I just recollect and talk about how blessed we both are. We enjoy each other wholly, with great appreciation for one another and gratefulness to God for our unity. And for me, my marriage is real proof that everything written in God's word is true. I speak particularly about God's salvation and his grace and mercy. If the world were to judge me based on my (not so holy) past, I would by no standards qualify to get married, let alone to have a beautiful wedding day. All I did was dare to believe God and everything else I cannot explain except to say that God is real and He is with me. It takes a personal experience to understand this truth, but thankfully God is available to all who are willing to receive him as their Lord and Saviour.

I am in awe of God's love and mercy. It has got no limits I promise you. Everything that God has done to me and for me, He can do for you, for anyone in this earth. And if you ever let him in, you will never want to go back. He fills the gap deep inside that no amount of attention, wealth or health can fill.

Praise God!

T.

The Handshake

The bible teaches us not to look down on the poor but to treat them like we would treat a rich man because the same God who created the rich man is the same one who created tho poor man.

Lately I have determined to not be one of them that read the bible and then walk away and forget what it says concerning me. That is like looking in the mirror and the moment you walk away from it you forget what you look like, and if there's any stray hair you need to put in place. So Holy Spirit has been taking me to the really hard parts of the bible; the parts that give instruction, rather than the favourite scriptures that tell me I am the head and not the tail! The scripture that says that if a man wearing a gold ring and all sorts of bling comes in, and another tattered one comes in, I should not make the tattered one sit on the floor and make the blinging one take the chair, because if I do that I am being partial, yet my God is not a partial God. Imagine if God did that, most of us would be unfavoured, because if not for God I wouldn't be royalty.

Knowing that it is through God's grace and mercy that I have a high place in His Kingdom, I thank God that he brought me to James 2:1-13 because I must confess that although I am not one of those that are 'class' conscious, when I see a beggar I tend to wish they were just not there. I now have about 15 (numbers change a lot) homeless men camping in front of my workplace and they make the whole place smell so bad. I have to hold my breath as I take the stairs up into the hall. Already I wash my hands everytime I touch surfaces in general, so you can imagine how disturbing these guys are to me. It is not even about my safety because these guys see me everyday and greet me, and call me 'sistaz' and I just don't believe that most evil comes from people like them. I have personal experiences that have made me to know that harm comes from the inside more than it does from outside. And besides, being a child of God, I am very confident about my protection and that if danger was meant to happen to me, Holy Spirit would warn me and instruct me to be elswhere or do things differently.

Today, one of the men that camp by my door offered his dry cigarette smelling hand for a handshake...and I took it and shook his hand. It's not only because I happen to work in a church, but I just became conscious of the fact that I am not here on my own, but I am representing Jesus in all I do. Jesus would never ever make anyone feel unworthy, and thats the only reason why I am alive today. If Jesus can associate himself with me as I was before He saved me, then who am I to look down on a homeless man who has this smile on his face? I shook his hand and knew deep down that I did the right thing.

Many people who care about me would never have allowed me to do that, I know. And I might have never had the guts to do that in front of them because they would ask me if I'm crazy or if I think I'm superwoman. But I lost nothing, I am safe because of God not my own smartness.

So I thought I should share this experience with you so that when you get faced with situations like these, you remember not to favour the one from high society over 'Plain Jane'. It doesn't make you a better person.

Lots of love,

T

Show Respect to ALL

Never take the importance of communication lightly, even if what someone is trying to communicate may seem trivial to you. Remember that what you feel is important might likewise seem petty to your friend/lover/parent/daughter/colleague but you would still like them to hear you out and think about what you are saying and respond. Listening is not only about doing it so that when your turn comes you will also be listened to, there is much more to it. When someone talks to you, they are expressing themselves and many times they are taking a risk because no one wants to be rejected. This means that your sensible (caring) response is very important because if you continually reject someone they will refrain from communicating in the future and will carry resentment towards you. It may not affect you but if you care about a loved one you would not want them to carry such hurt because of you.

Let us then love in deeds and not in words. Think through and realise how much influence you have on your family and friends. For the fact that they are around you, it means that your reaction to them affects them either for good or bad. We all have a responsibility to one another; to bring out the best in one another and make this world a friendly environment to all. And please don't end it with your loved ones, be good to all people and treat everyone as important. When you don't do that you might not realise it but you are basically communicating that you are better than those you look down on. And let me tell you friend, you are not better than anyone; thank God for the grace to do good to others where some fail, but see that all the credit goes to God and not yourself. Humble yourself and you will be lifted up, but dare to lift yourself up and you surely will be humbled.

This is a simple life lesson but many times 'good' people fall into the trap of thinking they are better than others and can get away with ill treating others, but it is not right. Let us all work on our human relationships with the consciousness that we are not just dealing with mere people but God's most loved beings.

Tumi Going Funny

My next short story will be on 'The Prophet'. I am very excited about this one! Experimenting with new writing styles and growing as a writer, I have the story already in my mind, I just look forward to watching it develop and unfold and mature right before my eyes. This one is a comedy mixed with some food for thought. Hope I get it right because I'm not a funny person, not into jokes at all, but I sure know how to enjoy some good quality humor Shakespeare style!

Nameless Woman... Again

Remember I wrote about some lady who was asking me for R100 at FNB (bank), well it turns out she lied. I saw her again at the bank, this time sitting outside with her two children. I think she is sincerely stranded but what she said about her car needing petrol... well that must have been a lie because here in Johannesburg, beggars don't drive cars. The broke people with cars have a back up plan of some sort.

I felt sad for her because I can see that she has some dignity, she does not beg in the most obvious way, and her head is turned downs when she asks, like she is embarassed. Her children are so adorable (Coloured, as in a race in South Africa) and the whole scene is just heartbreaking. I wonder if she would have bought food for her children if I had given her the R100 rands, or if she would have bought alcohol to drown her many sorrows.

Well I didn't help her in anyway so I should not torment myself with thoughts of her and how I think she lives. I must get her out of my mind because I will just end up condemning myself for seeing a woman in need and not helping her. What can be done with the situation of ... I don't want to say beggras, too demeaning ... of desperate, homeless people? My concern is that giving them money is not sustainable, a woman like that with clean clothes on herself and her children, no perfume but smelling clean, a woman like that has some hope in her. She probably does have a place where she lives, because I know the smell of living in the streets, I have some people sleeping by the doorstep of my workplace. She has not that pungent smell.

I think that she needs her hope to be reignited by God. And after that, when she decides that only God can help her and she does have a future and a responsibility to her children, after she recognises that then she needs support with food and clothing for herself and her children. And she will also need counseling and to be reminded that though her children are not in school, she must teach them herself, counting, colours, all the things she is able to teach them and she must believe God for a turnaround. After that she will be in a better position to restructure her life and look for a job or start a business.

There is a way out, because as long as you are living, there is hope for you. Unfortunately with the resources i have, the time and funds as well as the know-how, I am not at this phase able to implement this idea to help my nameless woman. See how I now attach her to myself. She refuses to leave my mind.

Gym? I Don't Wanna Hear It.

Do we understand the reason why we need to keep healthy? To eat right and exercise? The way we react to this issue does not convince me that we as people really understand the importance of a balanced diet and exercise. We know very well the importance of looking good and that's why we make sure we do the "three step cleansing" and wear those super high platform shoes. We are informed and therefore we act on the information we know about fashion.

That is expected of a literate being like you and I; to use our knowledge base to influence our decisions. Why then is it that when it comes to the most important issues like our health, we refuse to act like intelligent, learned people? We read article after article about the latest research on cancer, on health and so on and we say to everyone, "I'm going on a protein diet" or, "I need to start going to gym" - we say all these pretty things but never do we lift a finger to actually do them. It seems to me that we don't take our health seriously enough, perhaps because we do not see the results of our poor habits...yet.

It's time that we start doing whatever we can to invest in our health; drinking more water wont take a cent out of you. Eating less portions if we are trying to lose weight will even save us some. And adding fruits and veges and taking it easy on the oil isn't such a difficult thing now is it? Gym. Well, no need to sign up at virgin active just yet, develop consistency first in your lounge. Do the sit ups, push ups, kickboxing etc. in your own lounge for 15 minutes everyday and tell me if you don't notice a difference! I am doing exactly that and am sooo excited that investing only 15minutes each day to exercise is giving me such returns! I do plan on taking it up a notch after a month.

The key to developing any good habit is in consistency, so rather than doing a lot once every week, do a little each day and see just how much your body will thank you!

I love you all and share these things with you so that we can all improve our health together, there's no fun in being the only hot mama at 70 now is there? ;)

I must add that as a woman, even your reproductive system will dance for joy at your new commitment to your health! I will not get into details about that because I want you to try it for yourself and tell me what happens ;).

Peace.

Nothing

There is so much to say, but it's not every time that your heart is full that you should pour it out, sometimes you have to wait. Today I have to wait because if I were to talk about what's in my heart, it would be like feeding you raw guava. It's good for no one. Let's allow the fruit to ripen a little but not to ferment. Old news is sour to the tongue, that's why we can't live on old revelation. There is something fresh available each day, each season, each year, because nothing in this world stays the same but God alone. Love TS

Times And Seasons

Understanding the times and seasons gives you command over your generation. What does that mean?

When you understand the phase or time you are in, you do not expect that which is not found in that season but instead you prepare for what that season has to offer. This sounds obvious but when we look at people's reactions to circumstances, we realise that they actually have no undersanding of the times and seasons. A leader does not panic with the crowd, rather, he takes authority and keeps the crowd calm, knowing that he has a solution. When you understand the season you are in, and it happens to be mid summer, you do not get frustrated over the fact that the orange tree is not bearing fruit. You know that it is not the season for oranges and rather than frowning over a lack of oranges, you rejoice because there is an abundance of mangoes.

Such a simple truth yet so difficult for mankind to grasp. We are too competitive and want to have the best of everything all the time. We do not even pause to think that perhaps today is not the time but tomorrow will hold something for me. Such a dreadful race we are in, burning out because of our neighbour who is also burning out because of us. Well, the bible talks of mature sons who do things differently. These are the sons of Issachar, the bible says that they understood the times and seasons and therefore their generation was at their command. The did not do react the same way the crowd did. They maximised on their harvest season and made the most of seedtime. They know when it was a time of transition and prepared themselves for change. They were never caught off guard, instead they prepared in advanced and rested while others were in a panic because of ignorance.

Beloved, make time to think. Think thoroughly and trust in God's word, that is how you learn to understand the times and seasons. God's word is like a wisdom manual and has all the understanding you could ever desire. When you have taken a hold of this understanding, because you will, then make the most of it in your life and help others to discover it too. That is where command comes in. When you are in command it means that your word holds value, use your words to change the lives of others so that mankind will benefit because of you. And that is the leader's delight.

It Happens

It happens that sometimes you open yourself up to someone and they poke a little needle in there. It happens that you share your secret and they spill it out by accident. It happens too that you love and get back only coldness. It does happen, but never must it change you. Your love must never be altered by their emotions, by their weakness or their mistake. Stay loving, keep believing and be ever joyful, because that is what distinguishes you as a child of God. LOVE.

Critical Advise

Just a word of advise; think carefully about the advise you choose to take. When you are under pressure, it sometimes appears like everyone has a good point, and the first person to speak into your situation particularly has a high chance of being the person who will influence your decision. This not only means that you should think before applying that advise, but it means that you should be selective about the people you allow to speak into your life.

Often we have many people we call friends, and we don't necessarily choose them because they are wise, or highly spiritual; we choose them because we have common interests and enjoy one another's company. While these may be important in friendship, it is also important to make sure that when it comes to making decisions, you are not quick to run to the people that make you feel good about yourself, but you talk to a mature and spiritual friend or parent or brother etc. You need to talk to someone who will not tell you the logical thing to do, but who can discern and tell you what God wants you to hear. They might even not have a solution for you but give you more confidence in your ability to hear God, so that you may hear for yourself what God's instruction for you is at that particular junction.

Hey, I know that there are times when you feel like you need confirmation from a person, a friend or loved parent; but remember that God has the best answer for you and your ability to hear Him will save you much trouble.

Lots of love,

The woman who has just made a decision.

That Woman

It feels like I have not blogged in ages! I haven't had a chance, with assignments due very soon, they are all I think about right now. I look around me and people's gestures, the scents around me, light, all these somehow translate to either Milton, Paradise Lost, Master Harold and the Boys - Athol Fugard, or Es'kia Mphahlele's Down Second Avenue. These are my best friends at the moment, but unfortunately I can't even enjoy them because I can't afford the luxury of taking my time to drink every word on the pages and to bond with the imagery presented to me. No, I have to write something smart and submit it very soon.

But something has been nagging my thoughts lately. Here in Johannesburg it is not easy to trust anyone, even family at times! It may sound crazy but tricksers are all around, a problem common with all big cities. So I am just wondering how other people react to a stranger asking them for money and saying they are desperate and narrating some sad story. How do you react to that? I have had many such encounters in the streets and I would not even blink, moved right along as if I didn't see or hear anyone speak. But this one time, recently, I met a woman with the most adorable two children. She told me her stranded story and asked for money. My heart broke, but I sincerely did not have money on me, although I could have made a plan. With all my heart I wanted to help her, she asked for R100 for petrol or something like that and gave me her cellphone number and address, but I didn't have the money. I later smsed her, and prayed for her.

I have heard that the Jozi tricksters are getting smarter by the day, could it be that I was falling for some trick and fortunate not to have money with me, or was that encounter meant to lead me to praying for that woman and sowing a seed of salvation in her life? We'll I don't know yet.

There must come a day when your spirit is awakened and you come to yourself.

I Forgive You

We are currently having a series at church called The Power of Love. I knew it would be a powerful one but I was not prepared for the tests God would bring my way through the teachings. I am having to confront pride and to say "I am sorry" to people I have hurt even though I know that they too have hurt me. I am having to forgive those that hurt me and make peace with myself and those around me. Honestly, in my heart I have forgiven everyone who has wronged me and have let go of the hurt they caused me, but I have not yet apologised to those I have hurt. It is not an easy thing to do, even though I know that it can only do good for me, I find myself still being reluctant and still placing pride before obedience.

It is God that is instructing me to ask for forgiveness, and I have read through that passage many times without thinking it could be directed to me. I have, instead, shut out whoever I think I can do without in my life even though it sometimes hurts just thinking about them. That hurt is a reminder that there are unsettled matters that must be settled and as a believer it is wrong of me to harden my heart from God's correction. Not only is it wrong but it is dangerous because if I continue like that I could end up weakening my ability to hear God.

Because of my reverence to God, I will obey His instruction and apologise to those I have wronged, knowing that God only wants the best for me and pride has thus far not helped me in any way. I urge you too to go back to your brother and forgive them or ask for their forgiveness. This will give you confidence to go before your Father and make your request knowing that as He has forgiven you, so also have you forgiven others. God is love and if God is in you, you are love-full. Love forgives all things and keeps no record of wrong.

Peace.

Everyday Give Thanks

Everyday give thanks to God for all he has done. You might be experiencing some disappointments, but remember that in comparison to God's great love for you, they are nothing and not worth your focus. In comparison to God's great and wondrous plans concerning you, no situation is worth you your worries. God is doing a great thing in your life, do not be deceived by anything that appears contrary to what you know God has already done in the spirit realm, just take a hold of it by confessing God's word and the spiritual will be made manifest in the natural.

Unchanged

The sun will rise and set
The bee will return to it's hive
The lion will cease to roar
And God remains unchanged

All that move will someday not
All that breathes will even rot
And everything will change
Yet God remains the same.

The Lowly

This morning I saw two homeless young men sleeping by the doorway to my workplace (which is in a corner). I thought well and hard about how I was going to get them to leave as I was crossing the road and slowly walking towards them. I thought about the different positions and approaches I could take and which was best. Was I going to be the offended strict madam, was I going to be the terrified vulnerable woman who was scared of hobos or was I going to be the person that I am talking to fellow human beings?

Well, it's always easiest to be yourself, so I went for the easiest way out, but I still had to be firm and make sure they take me seriously. It was the first time I ever faced such a situation, and for me it touched something inside. I walked up to them and woke them up by tapping on my security door with my key. They uncovered their heads and I plainly and firmly told them to get off my way. They quickly obliged and shuffled out of sight, then I unlocked my door and went in. The smell of the homeless followed me in. It was a pungent smell of filth and shame and I couldn't wait to have it wear off as I went deeper into the building.

I though about the two guys for some time, how they ended up there and if they had a great future ahead of them. I though, 'if they have a future to look forward to, how are they going to get there?' Obviously it would not merely be through an endless supply of R5 coins for them to but cigarettes. It would take one powerful encounter with God. No man can attempt to change those lives, they would get exhausted before they even succeed because what they need more than a new pair of clothes and a bar of soap is a flick of hope. What they need is to see a new picture and to experience God's unfailing love. I also thought how unfortunate it is that as much as we know that we are God's vessels here on earth, many of us still remain reluctant to allow God to work through us, we forget that God loves the homeless as well as he loves the priest.

This is not an easy confrontation for me, but I am glad it happened because it has me thinking of how I can allow God to use me to impact the lives of the most unlovable people around me. I am now on a quest to discover ways of changing lives. By God's grace my zeal will not wear off and by God's grace something will come out of the encounter I had this morning. I will keep you posted and hope that if I need more hands, I will find them in you.

Lots of love,

TS

I wish I could share something special with you all but today I'm one that needs cheering up. I had my wisdom tooth removed yesterday, I was so scared because I'm afraid of injections and cuts, and those dentistry tools are not encouraging at all. The process went pretty well, though the dentist struggled to remove my tooth, she said my teeth really love me, and though I didn't feel any pain during the procedure, I could hear her struggling with the tooth and I felt the pulling. I don't know if it was because she is a small lady, or if my tooth was really just being difficult, but the struggle almost got me worried. I prayed throughout mainly for myself not to feel any pain and for the doctor not to say there are complications.

And guess what? My root was curved and was causing the difficulty abut she finally managed to pull it out. She later mentioned that I would have really needed to remove it surgically but she was trying to avoid that. She told me I need to do three fillings, so I have to get back to that horrific room.

Today, well I have not taken painkillers today, so the pain is almost unbearable. I am just so afraid of painkillers, I bought capsules but they are so big that they get stuck somewhere and make me feel nauseous and that adds to the discomfort. I know I should be taking them but ooh, how scared I am of pills. I might be sounding like a big baby right now but that's me. Needles and pills get me sweating and shaking at the same time. I am having Mageu right now, I dined on Yogi Sip and felt hungry in the early morning, I am craving Chicken 'Licken hot wings, but I was advised to avoid spicy food, hot things, solid food until I get better. I understand why; my throat is also suffering for my lack of self control where chocolate is concerned (my wisdom tooth was decayed right to the root). So swallowing is a mission, opening my jaw wide is torture, I just wish for this day to end.

All of this would have been better if I could have my husband's full attention but unfortunately it's happening at the worst of times. He is doing some serious multitasking at the moment, much is required from him and he has to deliver, for both our sake. He can only look at me in that way that only he does, and say "sorry, it will all be over soon". I miss my mother, she would be fussing right now, making sure I get better asap while also shouting at the others to get this or that done. Talking about it helps :)

A Short One

Lord, teach me to alwyas be thanksful to you for everything and in all things. Give me the grace to love the unlovable and to remain humble as You lift me. Guide my tongue that I may never curse but always bless and bring life to situations with my tongue. Lord, correct me and continue to tell me the things I do which displease you, by your grace, I know I will overcome them. You are a loving Father and I know that even in your correction, I will see your love. Thank you for loving me and believing in me.

Your precious daughter,
Always seeking to please you,
Sometimes failing but never giving up

T Shongwe

My Farmhouse & Cave

I used to feel bad for not having ambitions like my friends. I wanted to do well in life and to have a beautiful home but no matter how hard I tried, the picture of myself in a pencil skirt with a corner office at the 12th floor just never seemed true. I did at some times have that picture but my gut told me I was deceiving myself.

I have read somewhere that as people grow older they become more sure of themselves, that women in their thirties are more confident and sure. Obviously, the average woman by the time she is thirty has stabilised in her career, has a husband or "lifetime partner", maybe even a child or a couple of children. These things mean that one is no longer wondering what their life will be like, they are already living their life. I am not yet in my thirties but have grown to have that peace within me that these thirty something women are said to have. I stopped creating images in me that do not match with who I am and what God has called me to do, and that is what gave me peace. I am now in love with the true picture: not a pencil skirt but pants and a blazer; a beautiful farmhouse with lots of land, and other details of this true picture which definitely will not be an office on the 12th floor. It's beautiful but it's not me. My office is not just beautiful, it's peaceful, fresh and stimulating. It reflects the person I am; unpretentious, loving, warm and simply elegant.

Discovering this about my nature really gave me great joy. That I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a lover, a friend and my office must reflect these dear things about me. For me these are not just roles I play, I serve the community not as one serving the 'poor little things' but as a mother doing what is expected of her by her children in the community. I talk to women as sisters, and not as a learned one shedding light and hoping they can understand what 'these things mean'.

That is my portion and I love to know it and live it. And if you are wondering where the big farmhouse will come from with such a profitless passion, wonder no more. The profit is plenty here, not financially but I consider being fulfilled as priceless profit, God will add all these things unto me. I trust Him.

Just Remembering

I once met this young lady in the taxi, she was young, coloured, pretty and colourful. I was on my way to work, and she was on her way to school, she said. She was painting her nails on the taxi and that's how we got talking, I just had to ask her if she was meeting someone special, because she was prepared to endure doing such a hard job in the discomfort of an unstable taxi. So we spoke a little and she asked me what I do. I'm a PA I said to her. She said but I look familiar, she said she thought I look like an editor of a magazine or something. I said well I'm happy to hear that because someday I will be an editor of some magazine. She smiled and said all the best, you'd make a good one. I smiled back and said you'd make a great lawyer. She said when she finishes school she would like to become a lawyer. She ws not in uniform though she said she was going to school, so if it was not 'civies day' that day when you can come wearing your best outfit, then she was bunking school. I thought to myself. I will never forget that little encounter. The young lady who thought I was an editor, and thought right.